


Goodbye (I should say)

by Sunnyqueen



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Danny "Danno" Williams, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, How Do I Tag, Hurt Danny "Danno" Williams, Insecurity, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Probably not sure yet, Protective Chin Ho Kelly, Protective Kono Kalakaua, Protective Lou Grover, Protective Steve McGarrett, Rating May Change, Sad Danny "Danno" Williams, Sad and Happy, Smut, Sort Of, Tags May Change, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Therapy, Worried Steve McGarrett
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:41:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 43,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25057882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunnyqueen/pseuds/Sunnyqueen
Summary: What was he doing there? Why hadn't he left yet? It surely would hurt less than being left behind, right?Because they were going to, once they realised how pathetic he was, they would send him away. Everyone did, he was used to it by now.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 724
Kudos: 370





	1. Danny I

_ I’m not sure I still belong here. They sure as hell don’t need me: Steve is so, so smart, even if he doesn’t always sound like it, he can do anything he wants in the field, he doesn’t need me dragging him down.  _

_ Chin is amazing, he’s one hell of a good cop, an even better detective, he can find anything on that computer of his. I don’t even know how to turn the stupid thing on.  _

_ Lou is the ex-Captain of the SWAT and he’s the oldest in the force, do I need to say anything else? And he’s an amazing father, Sam and Will are very lucky to have him. He loves them so much, he’d give anything to keep them alive. He gave up his career for his daughter. He's an incredible negotiator, too.  _

_ And Kono has come such a long way from the rookie she qas when we started. She’s picked everything from Steve and Chin, some from Lou. Maybe a bit too much Steve, one of these days she'll start jumping from choppers, too.  _

_ I’m not sure why the Governor still hasn’t fired me, it’s not like they need a claustrophobic cop with a fucked up knee in the field, not with all of them out there. All I seem to be good for is pushing the paperwork. 16 years in the force to end up as everyone’s secretary, talk about throwing money away. I used to be able to at least connect with children, but Lou’s here now.  _

_ And I can’t even keep my partners safe. None of them have been safe with me. _

_ Maybe I should have stayed with HPD, it wouldn’t hurt as much, don’t you think? I wouldn’t have found a family, it wouldn’t hurt to know I was obsolete if I didn’t have them. I probably wouldn't even be here, I'd might have been in Las Vegas because without Five-0, I wouldn't have had a reason to stay.  _

_ I don't think they know, but they are the sole reason I fought in court that time. And while I love all of them , the reason I really fought was mostly Steve. I couldn't bear the thought of losing him. I didn't contest it in Jersey, I just followed Rachel like a pathetic dog to this god forsaken rock that has become home. _

_ But it won't be home anymore when Steve realises that I'm just dragging them down and decides that they are done with me. Maybe I should tell him I want to go back to HPD, finish my 20 years there and then retire. Maybe go back to Jersey. Finish it before they finish me first. _


	2. The paper: Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank sue2556 for helping me out with how to go on with this and for being an amazing supporter who always helps me with kind words and new angles.

Without being aware of it he rubbed the golden band around his finger, a habit of Danny’s he never understood when they met, but that held so much meaning now, reminding him of blue eyes shinning with mirth and a bright, knowing smile. Of golden hair that shone under the Sun and callous yet gentle hands. 

He stared at the page in his hand: it was starting to turn yellow and the folding creases sharper at every day that went by, the ink was losing its colour, fading. Unlike his memory of it, because he would never be able to forget about the words written on it. They hurt him every time he read them, because it was a reminder of how badly he had treated his husband before they had truly found each other. Of how close he had been of losing him because he hadn’t been paying attention and it had only been because of fate that he had been able to do something about it before it had been too late and Danny disappeared from his life.

It had been sheer dumb luck that ever he found that note.

_He had gone to Danny’s to wash his clothes since his washing machine broke down and he still hadn’t had time to get a new one. Danny had taken Grace and Melissa to Maui for the weekend but Steve had had a key to his partner’s place ever since he got the house and he had his permission to use the machine whenever he needed. And well, since he was doing his own laundry, he thought it would be a nice gesture to do Danny’s, too._

_He was sitting on the sofa, folding the clothes when a quarter fell from one of Danny’s pants, rolling under the sofa. With a sigh he dropped to the floor and reached underneath, scrunching his nose when he felt the light layer of dust._

_Something crinkled under his fingertips so he pulled it out, it was probably a chocolate wrapper. He pulled up to his knees, staring at the balled paper in his hand._

_It was not a chocolate wrapper. Or anything like it._

_He recognised the paper as part of the notebook Danny had in his office at work, which unlike the one he carried around when they went to see witnesses to take notes was a bigger, sturdier one, with a leather cover that he kept under lock and key._

_He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help himself._

_It was the best decision he had ever taken in his life, bar none. Not staying in Hawaii, not talking to Mary and Aunt Deb again, not telling Catherine he wanted nothing to do with her ever again after finding out she had gone and joined the CIA._

_He flattened the paper, his eyes locking onto the words almost immediately._

_His eyes filled with tears and when was the last time he cried? When Doris “died”? Yeah, he thought so. But those words, Danny’s most inner, most private thoughts and feelings broke him in a way his mother's death never did because that hadn't been his fault, but Danny's suffering was all on him. And if not all, a big big part of it. Had he really been that bad of a partner he didn’t see the obvious pain Danno was in?_

_Why was it that he knew everything about his partner but couldn’t see his suffering? It felt like not knowing he was claustrophobic all over again because looking back it had seemed so obvious: the first apartment he had, with no doors inside, him not wanting to go camping with him, why he never adjusted the passenger seat on the Camaro to be closer to the dashboard._

**Maybe you don't pay such close attention to me.** _The words rang in his ears again. He thought he did, but quite obviously, he didn’t. And now Danny was paying the consequences._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, I'm going to keep it short with this one instead of going all as I usually do.


	3. The paper: Chin Ho

“Yeah, thank you, brah. You are a lifesaver, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Chin said, finishing the conversation.

Sara had come down with a nasty bug for the first time and he had absolutely no idea who to call besides Danny because the blond was, by far, the best father he had ever known, even better than his own, and his dad had been great.

He sat down on the sofa, sighing: who knew taking care of a sick child was so hard?

He reached over to the coffee table, retreating his wallet, pulling a single, perfectly folded if slightly crinkled page out of it. It wasn’t the original because he wouldn’t take it from Steve, not with how much it had meant to him. And  _ what _ it represented. 

He read it again, as if he didn’t know the words by heart and wondered, once more, how could he have screwed up so much after telling the man he was on his corner a thousand per cent? How could Danny have thought he was… useless? That he brought nothing to the team? But even worse, how had none of them seen it?

_ “Hey Steve, what’s up?” _

_ “I need to show you something. Can we meet?” _

_ “Uh, yeah, sure. Where?” _

_ “Palace.” _

_ “Be right there.” _

_ Well something was clearly wrong because he had never heard Steve sound like that, so… lost. And like he had been crying, which was such a wild concept he couldn’t even wrap his mind about. _

_ When he arrived, not even 20 minutes later, he found out that he had not been the only one summoned, Lou and Kono were there too, looking just as confused as he was. _

_ The most confusing aspect of that impromptu reunion, however, was the fact that Danny wasn’t there. _

_ “Hey, what’s wrong?” He questioned when Steve came out of his office. “Are you ok?” _

_ The man shrugged before he pulled out a wrinkled paper from his back pocket and flattened it out to the best of his abilities. “I was at Danny’s a couple weeks back to wash my clothes and I found this under his sofa.” He turned the paper around so they could all read it. _

_ And his blood ran cold at the words plastered on it. Because not only were they filled with raw sadness it was clearly Danny’s handwriting, no mistakes there. _

_ His heart constricted at the single wet splotch at the base of the paper, he didn’t need to ask what it was. He took the paper in his hands as if it were the most fragile thing he had ever handled. And it was, wasn’t it?  _

_ Danny’s heart, so strong, so durable, so… stubborn, but at the same time so fragile, like a dry leaf in autumn under a child’s boot. _

_ He re-read the words about him, because they were probably some of the nicest things someone ever said about him and they weren’t empty compliments because if Danny was one thing beyond others was that he was honest so he had no doubt those words were true. And that if asked in person, he would have no trouble voicing them. Hell, he had said such words before. _

_ And that made it hurt even worse, because he wasn’t sure he ever did that for Danny. For Steve, sure. For Kono, of course, she was his little cousin. He couldn’t say the same about Lou, but he hadn’t really known the man until a few months ago when he joined Five-0. He had known Danny for 5 years. _

**_Yeah well, it makes me sick no one stuck up for you._ ** _ Those words, so comforting back then, now where a punch to the guts because he had let his friend down. He had failed the one cop in the island who hadn’t treated him any differently, even if he had heard the stories at the precinct. _


	4. The paper: Kono

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this one is definitely longer than the other two and that I meant, but I could not come up with a good moment with Danny saying something super meaningful to Kono so I went with this one in S1e2, but because of that I had to go deeper to find a meaning suitable enough for this fic.

**Kono I.**

She looked outside the window of her hotel in Liberty: they had been ready for a take down, but apparently kidnappers and abusers were afraid of a little rain so they stayed at their various hotels. Her partner had invited her to hit the gym together, but she declined: she would never regret her decision of going after the sex-slave rings, but some days, being away from home, from her ohana, were harder than others. She had made fun of Danny so many times for not adapting to the islands, but she understood now, the longing to go back to what was known, and safe.

And he had had it worse, because he hadn’t been given a choice in the matter, not if he wanted to be in his baby daughter’s life. She pulled the small pendant he had gifted her for her graduation: she always had it on her when they went out on ops but would take it when she went surfing as she didn’t want it damaged.

She hadn’t taken it off her neck once since she boarded the plane 1 year ago.

She pulled her ankle holster and retrieved the folded paper she kept on the small pouch she had made especially for it. The words on the folding edges had almost disappeared from too much usage, but she couldn't help herself in the harder days.

_ When she arrived at the Palace after Steve’s mysterious phone call, the place was empty and dark save for the light in her boss’ office. She headed directly to him to demand an explanation as to what was going because she might not be a Detective, but she knew Steve's voice when he was distressed. She was halfway there when the door opened and Lou came in, looking just as confused as she felt, but she just shrugged. _

_ Barely a minute later Chin also came in and then Steve was out and giving Chin a page ripped out of a notebook, but more importantly, where was Danny? Had something happened to him? Of course it was something about Danny, nothing made him act like this other than Danny being in danger. The last time she had seen him so agitated had been when Danny had been infected with sarin _

_ “Steve? Where’s Danny?” She questioned, trying to go for soft but even she could hear the rising panic in her own voice, as she reached over to wrap a hand around his arm. “What’s going on? Where is he? Is he hurt? Steve, please!” _

_ But he only shook his head in reply. _

_ And then Chin gave her the paper and she understood.  _

_ She felt a sob work its way up through her as she took in the beautiful yet painful words etched on that piece of paper: Danny thought he meant nothing to them, that he was just there to be their secretary and that he was… Oh god, he thought he was unwanted, that he could be replaced. _

_ He thought she hadn’t learnt anything from him? How could he think that!? He was the one of the best detectives she had ever seen, and she came from a family of cops. He saw things that they didn’t with just a glance, like that time with the severed head in a box back when they had started, he had known Nicole was in on it while storming into the place with SWAT and Steve in the middle.  _

_ He had told her to always question the evidence and to never take anything at face value because chances were those would be lies but at the same time to never ignore that same evidence, because there was always a thread to be pulled, a thread that would unravel everything at once when tugged. _

_ He had stayed for them, sure, mostly for Steve as he said but she already knew that. Everyone knew that. She hoped Steve knew that, too. The problem was that they had taken him for granted because he was always there for them, whenever they needed, they could always count on him on giving a hand, on sharing advise, but they had failed to give back as much love as they received from their favourite blond, and now he was slipping through their fingers like the tears that he had spilled writing that. _

_ The pendant burnt her skin where it rested on her chest. _

**_My Sergeant gave me one when I graduated from the academy, I’ve always kept it on me, it’s always kept me safe._ ** _ He had been one of the first people to believe in her even though he didn’t know her at all, he gave her something that was so dear to his heart, something that he believed kept him safe, and it did, it kept his body safe, but not his heart, it hadn’t protected his heart, because if it did, Danny would never have thought they didn’t love him. But that was their own fault, wasn’t it? And she wished, and prayed that they could make him see how much he was loved, wanted, needed in their team for a lot more reasons than paperwork, because Five-0 without Danny wasn’t Five-0. It was not ohana. _

_ And she would not be the cop she was today without him. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has a moment between Lou and Danny at any given point between seasons 4 and 6, can you please send my way? I will be forever thankful!


	5. The paper: Lou

**Lou I.**

Lou smiled at Steve’s awestruck look as he watched Danny play poker with the kids and had he not played against him before he would have thought he was cheating. 

Also, they needed to work on the kids’ poker faces, because they were both terrible.

“You know, Danny never told me what happened to the guy who took Gracie.” He told Steve, bringing him back momentarily.

“Peterson?” Lou shrugged, sure, if that was the guy’s name. “He’s in Halawa, doing life and with a limp he will never recover from.” Lou watched the feral grin that spread on his face before he turned to look at his boyfriend.

“What did you two do?”

“Us two? I did nothing man, it was all Danno. He shot him in the knee.”

Lou nodded, not exactly taken by surprise. When Danny had sat next to him in that car and helped him get his act together, helped him get his beautiful, beloved daughter back he had sensed there was more to his story than he was letting one. But he had never asked Danny himself. The last thing he ever wanted was to be reminded of that day and he knew that it was the same for him.

He would be forever in the man’s debt for helping him that day with nothing more than some very placed words spoken from experience.

The paper in the pocket of his shirt was burning him. He would never forget the first day he saw it. He would never forgive himself, either.

_ He had been the last one to read the paper: Steve hadn’t said another word, Chin was looking into the distance, pain and sadness and anger all over his face, eyes brimming with tears, Kono was hugging him as she cried, her small body rocking with every sob. _

_ He froze on the spot after the first 15 letters. They didn’t need him? How could Danny think so? He was as important if not more than Steve himself, because yeah, Steve had brought all of them together, Steve had been the one who extended the badge to him, but it had been Danny who helped him get his little girl back. It had been Danny who asked about how she was every single day for three months. It had been him who referred them to Dr. Kaleo. _

_ So how could Danny think they could just throw him out when he meant so much to every single one of them. But even worse, how could have they made him feel that way and not see it? Because he knew all of the blame for those feelings was on them.  _

_ And an amazing father? Him? Sure, he was a  _ good  _ father, but he would never call himself an amazing one. Not when he knew everything Danny had given up to see Grace grow up. Not when he had just gone and given bone marrow to his son within days of knowing he was his father. How could he think he was pathetic for wanting to see his daughter grow up? _

_ Go back to HPD? HPD didn’t appreciate him, he had heard uniforms and detectives alike talk about him in the darkest of ways. HPD had let him go as soon as they had the opportunity. Danny didn’t belong in HPD. He belonged in Five-0 with them, with his ohana. _

_ But could they call themselves his ohana when he had been hurting so much, for so long (because those were not the words of someone who had just thought of them, that was years and years of pain and insecurity buried deep so no one would ever see it) without any of them seeing it? Or gleefully ignoring because it was Danny? Angry Danny who fought with everything and everyone and how had he not seen that that was a desperate cry for help? For attention? For love? _

**_Listen to me._** _Why? Why had he stopped listening to him as soon as his own problems had been resolved? Why had he never reached back and asked how he was doing? Why had he not listened further than what his voice was saying and not how he was saying it? Why did he decide Danny didn’t need ohana as much as Steve did?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about how irregular the posting for this is, but between work and my insomnia acting up like crazy I couldn't find it in me to start writing until now, and it's 01.30am here. 
> 
> But yeah! Here is Lou's part! It took me days to decide which part of that scene with them two I wanted to use and initially it wasn't this one, but this seemed to fit a lot better with the direction this chapter took. I hope you all liked it!


	6. Danny II

**Danny II.**

_They have all been acting weird this week. I think they are thinking of how to let me go without hurting my feelings. I don’t know why they bother, it’s not like I can hurt more anyways._

_Well no, I guess if someone died that would hurt._

_Not that I haven’t been preparing myself for when that happens. The dying, I mean, not the kicking me out part, I’ve already made my peace with that. I mean, in a way it will be good, not having to see how sick and tired of me they are every day, how much they want me to go away._

_I saw them all go out together after work, but all I got was a sideways glance from Steve._

_He looked apologetic, like he knew he was going to do something I didn’t like. So yeah, being let go doesn’t sound too bad. I get to go back to Jersey. Rachel mentioned that if I want to go back she and Charlie would follow, she doesn’t have anything else tying her here and I don't want to uproot Grace again, but the way things are going I don't see any other solution to it._

_I guess it’ll be a relief for them, too. Not having to pretend they actually want me around or that they think I’m any good. They might miss me when their paperwork starts piling up, but aside from that? They wouldn’t notice me being gone._

_Hey, wouldn’t that be a good prank? Maybe I should put a plant on my chair for a week, see if I get any calls or messages asking where I am. I mean, I’m already a joke so that would be double laughter, right?_

_Lou could have his own office now instead of having to use the computer table. Chin wouldn’t have to put me being useless with his table anymore. Kono wouldn’t have to pretend to find me funny. Steve would get to drive the Camaro every day of the week. And it’s not like he can’t find a younger, faster, better suited partner for him._

_Someone who can keep up with his pace and isn’t afraid of little, dark, crammed spaces during dangerous raids._

_Someone who doesn't force his kids into his life because their life is a wreck all the time._

_Someone who isn't pathetic enough to go after scraps of his affection._

_Yeah, I should go talk to Rachel about this some time next month. It’ll give me time to leave all the paperwork here done and get the transfer papers through._

_I did always say Oahu was temporary. And I might have forgotten that for a while. This isn't home, it never was. No matter how much I wanted to believe it was, how much it felt like it was, it simply wasn’t._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure about making another Danny chapter and I had already written and was ready to post Steve's, but then decided to see if anything mildly good came to me for Danny akd hey, this is depressing, painful and not half bad, so here you guys have it. 
> 
> I hope you all liked it! Or at least found tolerable.
> 
> Edit: I just realised one thing guys, my head completely flew over the fact that Danny's notes and the flashbacks are settled around S5, there's no way that Grace would be going to Uni in a year, so I had to change that bit.


	7. Therapy I: Steve II

**Steve II.**

Steve rolled on the bed, drawing the warm body closer to himself, until they were plastered together, wrapping an arm around his waist, his hand travelling to rest over his heart, fingers digging slightly into hard, furry muscle. Lodging one thigh between his partner’s. Danny hummed lightly as he wrapped his own hand around his wrist.

“Why are you still up, huh?” The cop inquired, twisting to press a kiss on his jaw.

“Missed you.” He replied, his voice laced with sleep, but really, it was late and he had been almost in a deep sleep, but the second Danny opened the door to their room he had woken up, waiting until he could have his husband back in his arms. Where he belonged. Where he had always belonged and always should have been.

“I have been gone for merely 24h babe.” Danny chuckled, settling against his chest, sinking the warmth and safety that Steve gave him.

“A day without you is too long, Danno.” He pressed a kiss on his shoulder. “I love you so much, Danny. You know that, right?”

Danny’s heart swelled with affection and he turned around, pushing him to lay on his back, settling down with his head on top of his husband’s shoulder, their legs still tangled. “Of course I know. I love you too, babe.”

Steve smiled because hearing Danny say he  _ knew _ he was loved was the best feeling in the world. He started to pet his hair, lulling him to sleep.

_ “You seem distracted today, Steve.” Claire pointed out. _

_ “Sorry. I… have a lot in my mind.” Therapy had been getting easier in the last year or so but he still wasn’t overly joyous of having to go. But he had promised Mary. He had promised Danny. So he was still making the effort, even if the last thing he wanted was to be there with Claire instead of going to reassure Danny that he was wanted, needed. _

_ “Care to share?” _

_ He didn’t. He really didn’t. But he needed to. If he wanted to help Danny he needed to tell someone who could help him not make it worse, he needed someone to see what had he done wrong to make his partner doubt not only of his position in their team, but in their lives. In his life.  _

_ “It’s… Danny. I found a note under his sofa three weeks ago.” _

_ “What did he say on the note?” She questioned when he didn’t continue, gently pushing him. _

_ “He said he didn’t know if he still belonged with us. With the team. That he wasn’t needed anymore. That the governor should have fired him years ago. Said that maybe he should go back to HPD.” He confessed.  _

_ They had different therapists: Claire had the clearance to hear everything he might need to talk about his SEAL days. Oscar was Danny’s and he had been cleared by NPD, TPD and for some reason, Seattle PD, for Danny to talk about his undercover ops. Lou had Lorena, Chin had Bane and Kono had Alana.  _

_ Claire nodded and if she was surprised by his words, she didn’t let it show. “How did that make you feel?” _

_ He didn’t need to think hard, the answer for easy. “Like I’ve failed the most important person in my life. He thinks he’s dragging me down when in reality he lifts me up so much.” She nodded, encouraging him to go on. “He said that maybe he should just go back home to New Jersey once his twenty years are up.” His voice trembled at that thought, of Danny going away, of not having him with him in and out of the job, of losing the best friend he had ever had.  _

_ “You don’t like that.” She pointed out, rather needlessly, if you asked him. Of course he didn’t like that! _

_ “Of course not! Danny doesn’t belong in NPD or HPD or any other PD. He belongs with our team!” He exclaimed, feeling his face burn in frustration. _

_ She arched an eyebrow. “Our team? Not yours? You are the commander, Steve. You are his superior.”  _

_ “That’s not true.” He replied, before thinking about it for a second: she did have a point, but it was so mistaken. “Ok, I am, technically, on paper. But I’ve never seen him as a subordinate. He’s my partner. My equal. My second-in-command.” _

_ “Alright. But does he know that?” _

_ “Of course he does!” He exclaimed. _

_ But did he?  _

_ Did Danny really know that?  _

_ Because the evidence burning on his back pocket clearly suggested otherwise. And oh god, Danno didn’t know. Danny thought he was just another little soldier… Sailor, damnit! Whatever, just someone else under his orders. They had joked about it before, but had they really been jokes? They had been for him, but he had the vantage point, he was the boss and… had Danno just laughed along? To make him happy? To  _ **keep** _ him happy? Because he thought Steve might kick him out if he didn’t follow along? Was that why he hadn’t been asking for help? With Matty? Colombia? The Colombian prison and the Marshalls and the CIA? Was the guitar that he already treasured so much just a way for Danny to try and win his affection? Because he thought he didn't have it? _

_ He felt bile rise on his stomach and travel up his esophagus, but he quashed it down: he had seen countless brutal murders, had been in Hell on Earth more times that he could count and not once he had felt thatburning liquid, but mere thought of Danny not knowing how much he loved him made him sick. LIterally. How had he been so blind? He prided himself on knowing his partner to a T, but clearly he didn’t. He didn’t at all. Not anymore. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So on this one Danny didn't tell anyone about Marco Reyes visit, the money or going to Colombia, he did it all by himself. He disappeared for a couple days and came back with his brother in a barrel and gave them minimum information about what had happened.
> 
> Also, Claire is in here too.


	8. Thearpy I: Chin Ho II

**Chin Ho II.**

“Hey.” Chin sat down next to Danny, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “How was Jersey?” He asked as he flagged down the bartender.

“Actually cold, loud and with the best pizza.” He grinned. He had gone back home for his sister’s wedding and took the children with him. “How about you? I heard HPD was giving you trouble again?”

Chin shrugged. “I’m alright, nothing they haven’t done before. And I still have your support, right?”

“Always, buddy.”

“Then that’s more than enough for me.” He stated before clicking the neck of his bottle with Danny’s. “And I will always be there for you too, ok? Always remember that.”

“Yeah.” Danny offered him a small smile and god, Chin would never forgive himself for having caused him so much pain years ago. 

They had all been so close to losing him forever and while he wasn’t _in_ love with Danny but he loved the man like a brother. He loved him more than he loved anyone from his family except for Kono. But they had been able to get him back, they got their favourite haole back before he made the worst mistake of his life and they were going to keep him forever, because Danny belonged with them, with their ohana and every time he went to Jersey a part of his brain said that he was going to stay there and not come back, and every time he texted them he had landed, he would drag him to that bar where they had promised they would always be there for each other for a night of beers and pool.  Never on the first night though, that one was for Steve and nobody wanted to compete with him (not that they didn't know they would lose anyways), but always within the first week.

_ “Good afternoon, Bane.” He greeted as he sat down on the armchair. _

_ “Good afternoon, Chin.” The man smiled at him. “Last week, we were talking about your un…” _

_ “There’s something else I’d like to talk about.” He interrupted. He didn’t mind going to therapy. It was his favourite activity out there, but he had been enough time in rock bottom to know that it did help. _

_ “Oh, that’s…. That’s alright. What is it?” _

_ “Danny.” _

_ “Detective Williams?” He nodded, who else would it be? “Is he alright? Did he get hurt on a raid?” _

_ He shook his head, and as terrible as it sounded, he wished it was that, because at least then he knew what to do. “Steve found a note under Danny’s sofa about a week ago, it might be from his therapy diary.” He wrapped his hand around his wrist, nails digging in slightly. “He thinks… He thinks we don’t want him there, on the team. He thinks he’s useless and brings nothing to the team.” Bane hummed, encouraging him to go on. “He says he wants to go back to HPD and when his 20 years are up go back to the East Coast.” _

_ “Have you talked to him yet?” _

_ “No, Danny is… Danny doesn’t like to talk, not when it really counts, at least. He always plays his cards close to his chest. We hadn’t… We hadn’t even  _ noticed  _ he was feeling this way. He would have transferred and we wouldn’t know why.” He explained. _

_ “Well, you work with HPD all the time, you would still see him occasionally. And you could still meet him during your spare time.” _

_ Chin shook his head. “Not Danny. I know him, he would have tried to put a wall between us.” _

_ “You said ‘would have’ instead of ‘will’.” Bane pointed out. “Are you that sure he is not going anymore?” _

_ “Of course I am. We are not letting him go. Not to HPD. They don’t deserve him.” He was almost surprised at his own viciousness, but HPD didn’t appreciate Danny, they had let him go the second they could, handing him to Steve. _

_ “But do you think you do?” _

_ “What?” _

_ “You just said he believes he doesn’t belong with the team, your ohana, so what makes you say you deserve him more than HPD?” He knew what Bane was doing, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. _

_ “Because we love him! We care for him! HPD didn’t! Doesn’t! They gave him up within hours when Steve asked for his transfer when we started. Captain Tanaka had him doing busywork when he was one of the best detectives on the bureau.” He explained before he realised his outburst and sank down on the armchair. “We love Danny.” He mumbled _

_ “And I’m not saying you don’t, Chin Ho, what am I asking is: do you honestly believe that he does know that? Because from what you’ve told me that he wrote down on that note, I don’t think he does.” _

_ Of course Danny knew! He had to, right? They were his ohana, they were always together, he knew he could always ask for their help, that they would do everything in their power to help him. Except… Danny wasn’t asking for their help. He hadn’t, not in a long time: not when he just disappeared and went to Colombia to get his brother back, not when the Marshals arrested him. The only reason they had him at all was because Steve fought tooth and nails against anyone on his path.  _

_ Fuck, did Danny really not know that he would  _ always  _ have his back? No matter what? He felt tears threatening to spill, but he couldn’t cry, not when all of this was partially his own fault. _

_ "Chin, it's alright to cry." _

_ "I know." He bit out. _

_ "Then why are you still fighting it?"  _

_ "Because..." He swallowed, pushing himself to answer truthfully. "Because it's my fault. He's been through so much lately and he didn't say a word. And I saw that the circles under his eyes were getting more pronounced, that he talked less about family, but I didn't ask. I thought... I  _ assumed _he would come to us if he needed help, if he wanted to talk. But he didn't. He still hasn't." And more likely wasn't going to. "So how can I cry when I can't even imagine what he's going through?"  
_

_Because when his own family had pushed him away he still had people that believed him and he never doubted that he had people that would stick by him (Auntie Mele, Kono, Malia had he let her, Uncle Choi, Kamekona, John, to name a few), people he could ask for help and people who cared for him, and yes of course it had hurt when almost his whole family, as big as it was turned their back on him only to welcome him back with open arms when they heard he had been promoted, even to these day, it still hurt, but Danny honest to god thought he had no one in the island, that no one cared for him other than his children and, perhaps, his ex-wive, that he was all alone again in a place he didn't like and didn't choose with people that liked him even less._

_And then he realised it: Danny_ knew _, he knew that if he applied to go back to HPD he was going to be turned down on the spot and then... Then he would have the perfect excuse to go back to the East coast, with no job it was impossible to live in Hawaii, it was way too expensive to last on a cop's savings._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate that I love writing them all so sad and hurting as much as I do.


	9. Therapy I: Kono II

**Kono II.**

“Danny.” She ran to hug him, almost climbing on top of the bed, but always mindful of his wound.

“Heeey! What are you doing here?” He drawled, the drugs in his system making him slightly loopy.

“What do you think I’m doing here? Lou called me the second he heard you were shot.” She explained, now sitting on the bed and cuddling him. “God Danny, you scared us so much. I was so afraid I wasn’t going to make it.”

“But I’m still here, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, you are.” She kissed his cheek before he moved to rest his head on her shoulder.

“How’s everything going?” Danny asked in a mumble, but his eyes were already slipping shut again.

“You don’t worry about that now, Danny. You just need to worry about getting better.” She whispered, gently cuddling him close. “But I’m done, I’m coming back home.” She told him even though she was aware that the blond man was already sleeping again.

She had had the papers ready for a while, but she hesitated because she wasn’t sure how she was going to be received back home, she did leave without telling anyone, but the second she had heard Steve and Danny had almost died on a boat (and yes, Tani and Junior, too, but she didn’t know them. Not yet, at least) she had put them through because yes, they were fine, but she had almost lost them. And when Lou called her 15 hours ago and told her that Danny had been shot and might not make it she had jumped on the first plane to Honolulu.

They had come so close to losing him once because of their own mistakes and blindness, she was not ready to lose him for good, especially without saying goodbye. Danny held such a precious space in her heart, because never once did he judge her, not even when she was working from Frayer or sleeping with Adam. And he had taught her so many things, both about life and professionally. She would never be able to forgive herself for making him think he didn’t belong with them in the team, or in their lives. He was such a great man who had given his all to every single one of them, and they had taken him for granted, not realising that him complaining more and more about everything was a desperate cry for love and attention. 

If it hadn’t been for Alana she was sure she would have done everything backwards and definitely driven him away forever.

_“Kono?” Alana asked when she saw her patient sitting in her office._

_“I know we don’t have a session today but…”_

_“No hey, it’s alright.” Alana said, sitting across her patient. “Has someone gotten hurt?”_

_She shrugged. “More like we hurt him.” She said before taking a big breath. “It’s Danny. Steve found a note in his house and we are worried.”_

_Alana’s eyes grew in size because she was a professional, but sometimes even they got surprised. And with Five-0 members you never know what the story might be. “Detective Williams wrote a note? Was is a suicide note, Kono? Is that why you are worried?”_

_“Suici… No! God no, Danny loves his daughter too much to ever do that to her.” She explained but she could see why that was a logical thing to imagine with how she worded. “No. He thinks he doesn’t belong with us, that he brings nothing to the team and that he should quit, go back to HPD and” he breath hitched at that thought. “And go back to Jersey once his twenty years are up.”_

_“Hm. Is there any reason he thinks he should go back to HPD?”_

_“He says we don’t need a claustrophobic cop with a bum knee. But he’s never… We didn’t even_ know _he was claustrophobic until last year. He never told us. And even when his knee is acting up he still does everything he can. I’ve seen him work with a cane and not taking pain meds because he wouldn’t be able to see everything.” Alana nodded, telling her to go on. “He thinks that he’s… obsolete. I don’t think he realises he’s the only true Detective in the team. Steve is smart but he gets that laser focus and… He sees his target and not everything else that surrounding it. Lou is not a Detective, never has been. I haven’t even walked a beat in my life! I went from the Academy straight to the task force. And Chin was a detective for like 1 or 2 years before everything with out Uncle and IA happened.”_

_“I see. Tell me, which part bothers you the most? That he’s feeling like this, that you didn’t notice or that he wants to go back to HPD?”_

_Kono chew her bottom lip: which one was it? She hated the idea of Danny being so insecure of the place he had in the team, in their ohana and in their hearts that he wanted to leave. Fuck, he had been the reason that they had become ohana. There was no way they could have gotten close to Steve if Danny hadn’t mellowed him out by way of punching him within the first 24h of meeting him. But she hated the fact that they hadn’t seen it even more. That they still would have no idea if Steve hadn’t found the note because none of them had been trying to see anything. Because Danny was still there, yelling at Steve, complaining about everything, his hands all over the place, worrying about them day in and day out but even that... He didn't fuss over them as much, he stayed close to them, because he was a dad and he worried about their safety, but he didn't come to check on them as soon as he could, he let the others do it while he stayed behind. He had started concealing himself and his natural reactions because he thought they weren't really welcome, that they were only tolerated._

_She bit her lip to stop the tears from falling._

_“We would have never known.” She finally answered her therapist. “If Steve’s washer hadn’t broken down, we wouldn’t have known and we would have lost him and we would never know why. He would have pulled away and he would be hurting because he still loves us but thinks we don’t. We’ve caused him so much pain and he only had nice things to say about us, Alana. How can he not see how amazing he is?”_

_“Have you… ever told him? That you appreciate him? That you care for him?”_

_She opened her mouth to say that of course she had! But could she really say that when at the bottom of her heart, she knew it was a lie?_

_So swallowing her own pain at the realisation, she shook her head but didn’t offer a verbal response, not able to deal with the shame creeping up her spine and really voice it._

_Why hadn’t she, anyway? Danny always told her how good she was, be it at surfing or with the sniper rifle, or kicking someone down. Ever since the day they met he had been complimenting her and she never said anything back because she thought… What? That he wouldn’t want to be complimented by a younger woman? That he would be angry? Embarrassed? The man that wore ties for a whole year just because everyone told him not to, the man that called Steve babe left and right without caring who was in earshot and who let Steve basically cuddle him in public… would be angry at a small “Great job, Danny” or “That’s was amazing, Danny”?_

_She felt like the biggest heel in history: of course Danny would think they only kept him around to push the paperwork around when none of them told him he had done a good job but told each other constantly? And when was the last time she heard Steve say “I love you” first? These days it was always Danny who started. Did Steve realise? Probably not, because for all of his faults, Steve loved Danny the most and would never intentionally hurt him._

_“He can’t go back to HPD Alana.” she said, looking up at her therapist. “He doesn’t belong there. They don’t love him like we do. They don’t even like him.” She said. “What can I do?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of the Theraphy I part, Kono's was probably the one that made me hurt the most, for one reason or another. There was a point that I was almost in tears.


	10. Therapy I: Lou II

**Lou II.**

“Danny, are you alright?” Lou questioned, when the rubble-covered blond opened his eyes, blinking blearly, obviously trying to put everything back together.

“My leg.” He gritted, pointing at where his leg was pinned by lord knew how many kilos of cement and metal. “Where’s Steve? And Adam? Does anyone have eyes on…?”

“Hey, calm down, stop moving. They are fine. A bit bruised up, probably a few crack ribs like you. Adam has one hell of a concussion and a dislocated shoulder and Steve has a broken wrist and broken his fingers on the other hand, so you two can make a whole functioning person.” He said, bringing him down from his frenzied state. “You are all going to Tripler, ok? We’ll make sure you and Steve are put together.”

“Okay. Thank you Lou.”

The other man rolled his eyes. “Don’t thank me for that. You gave me a good scare when you didn’t yell back.” He sat down next to him, sliding his jacket under his head. “HFD will be here in a couple of minutes and then we can rush you off to the hospital.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Very funny, Williams.” The man sighed, rubbing his bald head. “Wasn’t getting buried under a building once enough? You and Steve had to go and do it again and induct Adam too, this time?”

“You know me Lou, I like to make sure I don’t like things before hating them.”

“That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one.” Lou huffed. “You scared the shit out of me, man. I was sure… I was so sure I wouldn’t find you alive and breathing that I didn’t let the kids come.” He explained, brushing the dust away from Danny’s face, almost like he did every time his kids fell face-first in the sandbox. “I really thought I lost you, man.”

“Nah, still here. Can’t get rid of me that easy.”

“And thank god for that.” The other man said.

They had been too close to not having his back in case something happened to him, to not having him in their lives in any capacity whatsoever and just the memory of how broken Danny had been back then was enough to make his stomach drop to his feet. 

“Hey, where do you wanna go once you two are released?” He asked, not wanting Danny to fall asleep until he was free and safely riding in the back on an ambulance towards Tripler.

“Mine. I don’t want to deal with all the stairs in his house.” Danny replied. “Why?”

“Because the three of you are at the very least spending two days at Tripler and like a month before you are allowed to come back, especially you and your boy so we need to stock your house up.”

“That’s not needed Lou, we can buy online…”

“It’s not a hardship, Danny.” He interrupted, waving his arm at HFD as soon as he spotted them. “Just make sure to write me a list with everything you want, ok? Down to the brand.”

“Okay, thanks Lou.” 

The older man simply patted him on the shoulder before he moved out of the way: he had made the mistake of only worrying about Steve once. Never again. Never again would Danny doubt the place he had in his life. In _their_ lives. He had almost broken down when he found Danny, unresponsive, on the floor. He had started grieving before he found a pulse, air escaping his lungs when he found it, strong and steady. Because Danny was alive. He was still with them. He didn’t have to go back to Steve and tell him he had lost his fiance. He didn’t have to go to Grace and Charlie and sit them down and tell them that Danno wasn’t coming home. He didn’t have to call Clara and tell her she had lost another son.

But instead he got to sit down with him, beer in hand and share memories of white winter, of cold and real bustling cities. Discuss about pizza. Eat pizza. He got to watch their kids grow up with him. He got to compliment him again on his work and his cooking. Because sweet lord could the man cook. And don’t let Renee hear him say that, but his tomato sauce was way better than his wife’s.

He saw one of the uniforms jog towards him.

“Captain Grover sir, how are you? The ambulance is ready for you and Lieutenant Williams.”

_“Lou, how are you?” He didn’t say anything, he simply grunted. “I see. Tough case? I didn’t hear anything on the news, and that’s unusual with Five-0.”_

_He looked up and shook his head. “Been quiet today. It’s something else.”_

_“Alright, so tell me about it.” Lou hadn’t been her patient for long, barely a year so there were days when Lou still had trouble telling him how he was feeling, what was bothering him. But then again, trust was something one earned slowly, especially with people who had seen this much evil on earth._

_“Danny thinks I’m here to replace him.”_

_“Does that make him mad? Is he being hostile? Has he threatened you to get you fired?”_

_“it's Danny. Of course he is. Also, get me fired? What are you talking about?” Was his therapist on something? Did he need to book_ her _a therapist? Did he need to arrest her for drug possession?_

_“You said he was being hostile.”_

_“No! I said he is hostile! He's hostile with everyone, I'm pretty sure I saw him hang up on the Director of the FBI! He knew McGarrett was going to give a badge, why would he agree to it and try to fire me barely a year later?” He exclaimed. “He thinks I can replace him. That I can do what he does.”_

_“And you can’t?”_

_“I’m not a detective. I never even applied for the position. I’m SWAT.” He shrugged, clearly unbothered by that. “On the other hand, Danny has been a Detective for well over a decade, his thought process isn’t like ours, he sees and considers things I would downright ignore or not see. Hell, he even said the only thing he was good for was connecting with children but that I was here now so he wasn’t even good for that anymore. I’m terrible with small kids. I was barely home when my children were born so I know next to nothing on how to speak to a child. He said I was an amazing father, but I’m not the one who packed all of his life to see his kid four days a month.”_

_“So why does he think he can be replaced?”_

_Lou sighed, leaning further into the sofa. “Because we’ve done a collective shit job at showing him that we care for him. He thinks that he brings nothing to the team and is just there to push the paperwork? That the Governor should have fired him years ago. He’s thinking of going back to HPD and once he's done his twenty head back to the East Coast, back home.”_

_“Does that bother you?”_

_“Hell yeah it bothers me. His talents are wasted in HPD. And he knows the other detectives don’t like him and he doesn’t like them, not that I blame him, mind you.” The nicest thing he had heard other Detectives call Danny was ‘the cock-sucking haole’. Why would he ever want to go back there where he wasn’t appreciated? Was it… Was it because they made it clear that they didn’t like him? Oh God. How could he…_

_“What is it?”_

_He looked up at her, eyes wide in stupor. “I think… I think he thinks we are only putting up with him. That we don’t like him or something.”_

_“Why do you think so?”_

_“Because he disappeared for two whole days without a word, went to Colombia, killed Marco Reyes and came back with his brother in a gasoline barrel. He got arrested for it and didn’t ask for help. If Max hadn’t been with him we wouldn’t have known until it was way too late. Hell Lorena! I’ve seen that man drop everything in his hands to save McGarrett from the Taliban. He somehow managed to get himself into a military plane and off to Afghanistan just to make sure they got Steve before it was too late. To this day we still don’t know how he did that. He and Steve threw a bomb in the ocean with high chances of not coming back to make sure the islands were safe for everyone else! But he thinks we can’t…_ won’t _help him when he needs our help.”_

_And that wasn’t even the worst part of it: it was the knowledge that Danny didn’t come to those conclusions one day, he had thought about long and hard, probably tried to talk himself out of it, tried to convince himself that his team cared for him but got slapped in the face when time and time again they all flocked to Steve when something happened._

_The instance that had been popping in his head over and over again when he thought about it was the collapsed building, when all Danny had gotten were a few slaps on the back from them, Catherine barely even looked at him before he was sent away to his child and girlfriend. The only person who had followed had been Steve. He hadn’t even bothered to check on the man afterwards, but had called McGarrett to see if he needed anything. He called McGarrett, but not Danny, who had been the most injured out of the two. And that had just kept happening ever since: if Steve and Danny had gotten injured, everyone made sure Steve was okay and only glance at Danny._

_And now that he thought about it, hadn’t Danny started going straight to the ambulances without saying anything to them? Had anyone else noticed? Had anyone else_ cared? _Why hadn't he said anything? But then again, why would he when everyone made it clear that they worried more about Steve? He felt tears wash down his face: No wonder he thought he wasn't loved._


	11. Danny III

**Danny III**

_ They are  _ definitely  _ up to something and don’t want me to know. I saw them talking together the other day when I was coming out of the bathroom and as soon as Chin saw me they all shut up and tried to make it look like they were discussing what to have for lunch and what’s worse? I saw all of them sigh in relief when I went to my office. Or maybe they want me to know that they are up to something but not what. I don't know anymore. _

_ I don’t know why they are still keeping me around, it’s not like they want me here and it’s becoming more and more clear everyday that goes by. And I’m pretty sure they could hire a secretary to do their paperwork with my salary if they wanted. _

_ But then again, why am I sticking with them when I know what’s coming? Why have I stuck for this long? Maybe I’m just a masochist that likes clinging to things he no longer has. That’s the story of my life, isn’t it? Rachel, New Jersey and NPD, my brother, Steve, Five-0. And it’s coming to the point with the last two where the bad thoughts are becoming more prominent than any of the good memories. I mean, can they be considered good memories when the other people in it don't even like you? If they just pretend to like you for whatever reason? _

_ Anyway I talked with Ma and Pop about us possibly coming back and all they said was to make sure I wasn’t making a mistake? What mistake could I be possibly making? The only mistake I ever made was coming here in the first place. Not that I regret it, not really, because I’ve been able to see Grace grow up and now I got Charlie… And well, I’ll be able to be a real father to him if we go back.  _

_ I haven’t told them yet. I don’t know if I should. It’s not like they care anyways, they have yet to ask why I took a week off last month. _

_ Grace has been asking why we haven’t been going to Steve’s lately and I honestly don’t know what to tell her, she knows something is up, we used to go there almost every time she was with me, but Steve hasn’t invited us once for the last three months. _

_ How can I tell my Monkey that Uncle Steve doesn’t want us around anymore? It will break her heart, and she has already lost one uncle because of my uselessness and inability to make Matty trust me, how can I tell her I failed her yet again? How can she even want to come to mine when it’s my weekend with her? I can’t give her half the stuff her mother can. I mean, what do I even have to offer to her? She would have a much better time if she went to stay at a friend's or something instead of having to spend with just me. _

_ Maybe Reyes was right when he said my family would be better off without me, but I could never do that to my children, I could never abandon them like that, giving up on making the world a safer place for them. And I’m not stupid enough to believe I can get rid of bad people in whatever years I have left with me or that I’m even making a difference, but one less person to hurt them means it’s already a better place. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, in case someone was having a good day I'm here to ruin it for you!
> 
> I wasn't actually going to post it today, maybe in a couple of days, but I am bored out of my mind, so here you go! I hope you liked it!


	12. Changes: Steve III

Steve opened his eyes when the bed gently dipped next to him a kiss was pressed on the side of his head. “ ‘No?”

“Yeah babe, it’s me.” Danny whispered, running a hand through his dark hair. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” He wiggled to one side. “Lie with me? Please?” 

“You sure?”

“It’s only a broken leg and a bruised ribs, Danno. I don’t even know why they made me stay.” He grumbled as Danny laid down next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders when Steve rested his head on his chest and even in his half-asleep state he noticed Danny was wearing a soft T-shirt and sweatpants. He smiled: Danny knew he would be getting in that hospital bed when he left the house. 

“Because they know you’ll be out there making it worse for yourself if they don’t force you to stay.” Danny replied, kissing his head. “Now sleep.”

“I love you the most.” He replied, hugging him, breathing against his chest, feeling Danny kiss his head again, pressing his lips against his skull and mouth something.

They hadn’t been going out for long, not even 4 months and sometimes Danny still couldn’t bring himself to say it outloud every single time, some days he would say it non stop, some other he just… couldn’t. And Steve understood that some days were just harder than others and that some days Danny’s most painful memories came back up, especially when something happened and he started to stew in his own thoughts, and with Danno, they were never good. 

So if some days Danny was scared that he was being too clingy, too desperate for the attention of those he loved or too needy for Steve’s love? That was okay. Steve would make sure to reassure him that he could never be too clingy because he loved Danny’s touch and voice and all of him with everything he had and was. 

If he wanted their attention, they would give it with no questions asked aside from what he needed. 

A hug? Lou was like a teddy bear and would not let him go until Danny gently pushed away. 

A place to rest because his knee was acting up? Kono had all the supplies, the knowledge and experience with the same injury and all the sisterly love in the world to give him. 

A quiet night with someone who would simply listen? Chin would be there with a case of Longboards and easy silence for Danny to talk about what he needed to talk about. 

And if Danny needed reassurance that he was truly wanted and loved? Steve was there with cuddles and comforting words filled with all the love he felt for the man. If Danny cried during those, thankfully fewer occasions, Steve never commented on it, he never thought any less of his partner for those tears. He actually loved and admired him more because crying in front of someone else, in front of another  _ man _ , was something he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to do.

And it just went to show that despite the pain he had caused him, Danny still trusted him, trusted him to hold him together and be vulnerable with.

_ Claire had said in their last therapy that he needed to watch Danny closely, see in what ways he was acting differently and how that might have been because of something he himself had done and to think of a way to fix it but not do anything he wouldn’t usually do without talking with her first to avoid more damage. _

_ “Danny? Any thoughts?” Steve said when they were around the table and the blond looked up startled, staring at him with surprised blue eyes and Steve saw the why in seconds: when was the last time he asked for his specific opinion? He didn’t even know. _

_ “Oh, hum. Sorry.” He shook his head before he looked at the screens again. “I think it might be a cop.” He supplied, carefully, no one ever wanted to be the one to say a cop might be a serial killer. “Or an ER nurse. Can you highlight the dump sites for me, please?” Had he always sounded so… serious? Almost detached? No, he didn’t. He used to joke, even when working. Especially when working. But they… rarely laughed. Why did he stop? He always thought Danny’s was funny, his sharp brain and quick tongue coming up with the funniest, most sarcastic, deadpan expressions at any given time. “They are both near Hospitals, but they are a lot smaller than Queens or Tripler so we hadn’t noticed.” _

_ “Those are very specific pools of suspects, maybe it’s just a random serial killer on the loose, no connections.” He suggested, still refusing to believe that their loose killer could be one of them. _

_ “One who knows how police and ER nurses shift overlaps shifts overlap?” He replied, snark dripping out of his voice. “Sorry.” He immediately apologised and since when did Danny apologise? To him no less? “And we already stated that he has been crossing jurisdiction lines within Honolulu so HPD hasn’t caught on because both shootings happened in different areas. A nurse wouldn’t know that, Hospital jurisdictions are different from HPD or HFD.” _

_ “I… didn’t know that.” He admitted, smiling at him but he didn’t get anything back. “What’s this about shifts?” He asked, genuinely curious. _

_ “Police stations and ER shifts follow the same exact schedule to make communication between both smoother. So basically the second shift comes in at 3am and stays inside the station because they are on roll-call for 30 minutes until they have to go walk the beat and man the station. First shift finishes at 3.30am and stays in the station to finish reports, bookings, etc. That’s the perfect window for any criminal to want to attack.” _

_ “Except the shooting happened at 2.15am, Danny.” Kono pointed out. _

_ Danny huffed, rolling his eyes and Steve realised he never did that before either. Well, he did, but  _ never _ at Kono, it was always at him. Exclusively him. “Of course they do. That was an example. In Jersey and most of the mainland that happens at 3am. In Oahu the shift change happens at… _

_ “2am.” Chin finished, looking up at him. “So from 2 to 2.30 that when we have fewer men on the streets.” He turned around to look at the blond who was waving his hand in a ‘there you go gesture’. “You never had to walk the beat here, how did you…” _

_ “I read the reports.” Danny cut him before he even finished talking, looking down at his phone and scrolling through his contact list and then texting someone. “That thing that you all hate so much doing?” He didn’t seem to see the collective wince at those words and Steve didn’t need to know that they all were thinking exactly the same thing. _

_ “We’ll split up and go to the ERs and see if we can find something. Chin, you stay here and look through their files.” _

_ “Okay.” _

_ “Kono, Lou, go to Kuakini. Danny and I will go to Straub.” The blond only nodded, putting his phone away _

_ The car ride was silent. Steve itched to say something, to talk with him, but he realised he had no idea what could make Danny hurt more. They had barely spent any time together lately and he realised that was his own fault: whenever Danny barged in it was only when he was picking him up in the morning, never with Grace and although they did come in without knocking Steve had always said he’d be waiting for them, but he hadn’t extended an invitation in months and he knew, he knew, that danny wouldn’t go into his house, with his kid in tow, if they weren’t expected. _

_ “Danno?” He started, tentative. _

_ “Hm.” _

_ “Is… Is everything ok?” God he hated this. He hated not knowing how to act around the man he loved the most in the world. He wanted his Danno back, dammit! He wanted him being loud and sarcastic and unapologetic. He hated this version, so quiet and small looking. And he hated even more because that was his doing. _

_ “Yeah, of course.” Well that was a fucking lie. “Why?” The defensiveness wasn’t new, it had always been there, and more likely would ever be, but now it seemed even more in your face than it ever did before. _

_ “You just... seem down lately.” He said, his brain scrambling to put it in a way that didn’t sound accusing. _

_ Danny shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. It’s just my insomnia. Don’t worry.” _

_ Don’t worry? How many times had Danny said that? And how many times had Steve done exactly that and just written it off as Danny being Danny? How many? How many last week? How many when he suddenly desperately needed a week of for an unknown reason? And fuck, he never asked what it had been for, had he? He had meant to, honest to god, but then the bomb happened, and Kono’s wedding, Cath coming back, then the two bodies in the ocean… But even so, it wasn’t an excuse.  _

_ How would he have felt if Danny forgot to ask why he needed a whole week off out of the blue? He would never know, because no matter how angry or how hurt, Danny had always been there for him. Would always be. Or so he thought, because he couldn’t forget the words ‘Maybe go back to Jersey’, they would be forever tattooed in his mind. _


	13. Changes: Chin Ho III

**Chin Ho III.**

“You want me to be involved in your wedding planning?”

“Well, only if you want to of course.” Danny replied, swirling his beer. 

“No, of course I want!” He said quickly, smiling at him. “I just, I thought that maybe your sisters…”

“Hm.” Danny hummed, nodding. “My mother is more than enough, believe me. And you did great with Malia, she always told wonders about how involved you were.” He told him, a soft, sad smile on his face as he wrapped his hand around his wrist. “Hey, if it’s too much…” He said, always so considerate, always thinking of others.

“No. No.” He shook his head. “I want to do it.”

“Thank God. I stayed as far away as I could when I married Rachel, between my mum, my grandma’s, Rachel and her mom I was sure I was going to land myself in jail. And Steve is just as useless as I am on this. Can’t differentiate a peony from a rose.”

He chuckled: for all of his knowledge about plants in general, Steve was really kind of useless when it came to garden flowers. 

They stayed in silence for a couple of minutes, drinking.

“I’m honored, Danny. I really am.”Chin muttered before hugging the blond close, one arm wrapped around his shoulders and tilting his head to the side to press it against blond, puffy hair.

“Thank you.” 

“No. Thank you.” He squeezed him again and gave him a smile. “I’m really happy for you, you know that, right?”

“Yeah.” Chin sighed in relief at the bright smile he got in return, for such a long time they hadn’t seen those and he couldn’t help but ask himself how could they have not realised how much Danny’s smiles had died back then? The man could light up a whole room when he smiled like that, when he let others see how happy he was. And ever since Steve proposed he had been glowing.

It reminded him of Malia’s and Kono’s smiles.

“So, who’s going to be your best man? Eric?” He questioned. He would be lying if he said that it stung that neither of them had asked, but it made sense that Steve wanted his sister to be his best woman and really, could he blame Danny? After everything that they had put him through? After all the pain they had caused him? No, he could not.

Danny didn’t reply at once actually, instead looking at him with calculating eyes and he remembered how much he loathed that stare.

_ Danny had been looking at them from his office, where he had spent the last 3 hours doing paperwork that no one had asked him to do. But not one had gone and told him he didn’t have to, no one had gone to take it from him. _

_ “He knows something is up.” He said. “We need to do something, Steve.” _

_ “I asked him a few days back if he would tell me if there was something going on. He said that he would.” He confessed. “I don’t know what to do, Chin.” _

_ Chin nodded, understanding the feeling, because he had no idea of how he could show Danny that they did love him, that they did want him around, that he was not there because he did their paperwork, but because he was  _ their _ detective, because he was  _ their _ ohana. How could they go about this when Danny was clearly so convinced he was nothing in their eyes and they had never even seen his pain even though it was painted all over his face? How could they even begin to show him? To earn his trust again? _

_ A sharp knock brought him back and he turned to see Danny waiting by the door carrying an armful of folders. _

_ Since when did Danny knock to go into Steve’s office? A quick glance to the other man showed he was asking himself the same question. Steve blinked at Danny and went to open the door, stepping aside for him to go inside, but Danny simply extended the manila folders, essentially dropping them on his arms. _

_ “I need these signed by the end of the week.” He announced before he started to turn around, stopping when Steve grabbed him by the elbow. _

_ “Come sit with us.” _

_ Danny didn’t scoff, but Chin saw that it had been a very close thing, he simply stepped away, yanking his arm back and staring at them, his lips curling in a sardonic smile. _

_ “I have work to do.” He simply stated before he went back to his office, leaving the other two men staring at his back. _

_ Wordlessly, Steve closed the door behind him and sat down on behind his desk, dutifully reading and signing everything he had been handed. _

_ They didn’t say another word, Steve simply sat down on his chair and started reading each and every single word before he signed them off. _

_ And all he could think about was Danny knocking and waiting to be allowed inside: he had never done that, he had seen Danny come and go from Steve’s office for years, with or without Steve in it. Danny always moved around the Palace like he owned the place and now… now he looked like he was just appearing when someone needed something from him, or when he really needed one of them to do something for him, mostly sign off paperwork. _

_ When had those changes started to happen? And how the fuck had he never noticed them until now? How could he have not seen how Danny withered away, like a flower forgotten in a dark room with no sunlight, no water and no kind words that would help it blossom? When did Danny become a shell of the man he used to be? _

_ He thought about it, long and hard. It certainly had been before he went AWOL for 48 whole hours and came back with his brother stuffed in a barrel. When Steve was kidnapped? He thought about it, and yeah, Danny had led the whole operation, but as soon as Steve was safe in a Hospital he had… vanished from the room. He stayed outside, in the waiting room. _

_ And no one had gone to check on him. The man had lost his brother barely two months before, his partner had almost died at the hands of Wo Fat after being missing and no one had bothered to even ask him how he was feeling. He  _ knew _ they didn’t because the three of them had been with Steve in his room together. And it was not like they were even doing anything with Steve, their boss had been sleeping like a log.  _

_ He had never questioned what Danny had done in those three hours, but now, thinking back, he had probably been on the phone: Mary, Aunt Deb, Joe… Doris. Someone had to have called Doris, because Steve had mentioned receiving a call from her, but they all had assumed Joe had told her. But now it was so clear that Danny had been the one to call her. And Cath. He had also called Cath, despite how much he didn't care for her, he still called, because she was important to Steve. _

_ He had called every single person that Steve cared about because he wanted to make sure everyone knew he was safe and sound, to ease their minds and reassure them, to make sure  _ they _ were doing okay, too, but none of them had even made the effort to go fetch him until it was time to leave. _

_ And Danny had just waved them away, stating he would stay, that he could get started on the report and keep an eye on Steve.  _

_ And they had just... left. Maybe patted him on the shoulder to say goodbye. Did Lou hug him? Did Kono? He didn’t. Why hadn’t he? Danny had been the one who needed the most support back then, but they had just… forgotten about him. They let him take care of everything because that’s what they did, right? Let Steve and Danny handle everything, help Steve when Danny wasn’t there, leave Danny to fend for himself when Steve wasn’t there. _

_ He couldn't bit down the sob that worked its way up, wrecking him in the process. _

_ “Chin?” _

_ He looked up, barely seeing Steve through his tears. “Why doesn’t he hate us? Why is he still here?” Bane was right, they didn’t deserve him at all. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I had to make a table/spreadsheet to keep up with everything and not mess everything up. I haven't done that in ages, except for work, that is.
> 
> Also, I found out I really like breaking Chin. He is usually so zen and calm.


	14. Changes: Kono III

**Kono III**

“Danny?” Kono asked when someone picked up the phone.

_ “Kono? What’s wrong?” _ She had only said his name, but he already knew there was something going on, even if she tried her hardest to sound normal.

“I messed up. Can you come? Please?” She asked. She felt like crying, she had been so eager to perform well and now…

_ “Of course. I’ll be right there.” _

When he got to Kono’s house and opened the door, he stopped dead in his tracks at the mess that he could see in the kitchen. 

“Kono, what the hell happened?” He exclaimed as he hurried inside, shutting the door after him.

The sight that welcomed him inside the actual kitchen: there was flour and sugar everywhere, he could see a broken egg on the floor, colour smudges on the countertop and the wall, something spilling onto the floor which looked like split milk and something was decidedly burnt.

And in the middle of it all was a Kono covered in white powdery stuff from head to toe, a smudge of blue paint on her cheek and gold on her forehead and she looked like she would start crying at any moment. 

“Hey, what’s wrong sweetheart?” He said, walking up to her and brushing some of the flour off her hair.

“I messed up.” He mumbled. “I said I was going to make the cake for the Five-0 party at Steve’s and I don’t know what I did wrong and the caramel got burnt and the flour…” She made a hand gesture to capsule all of her kitchen.

“Okay, yeah, you made a bit of a mess. No worse than when I let Steve and the kids alone in the kitchen.” He grinned. “Let’s clean this up, then you go change and we can start over. It’s still early, we have more than enough time, ok?”

“Yeah. Thanks Danny, you are the best.” She said, suddenly feeling much calmer and less like she would explode in tears at any moment.

Danny didn’t say anything, he only smiled at her before handing her a rag. “Let’s get started Kalakaua.” 

“Aye aye, Lieutenant.” She pressed a kiss on his cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you too, rookie.” He hugged her with one arm around her waist, not caring about the flour and sugar on her. “What were you trying to make, anyways?”

“Oh. Coconut and lime creme with pistachio and cardamom sponges but…” She shrugged, suddenly feeling small again: she had never learnt how to actually cook, she could make simple stuff, sure, but nothing elaborate like Danny’s decades old family recipes with more steps that she had ever climbed.

She looked at Danny cleaning the counter top: she never realised how much effort Danny had put in the food he made them every time they had been at his place (or Steve’s if there were more people) until she had seen him in action during a Thanksgiving dinner. She had never appreciated all the effort he put into making the best food possible for his guests, and how most of them always poked fun at him for being so picky with the ingredients he bought, often going out of his way to have the best he could find not caring much about the price if it meant his ohana would leave happy and well fed, but they had also made fun of that.

_ “Danny, grill on Saturday at my place?” Steve offered, cracking the door of his office open, Kono squeezing next to him: they had finished a long, awful case the day before, and as per tradition, those were meant to be celebrated with steaks and beers on the weekend. It was only the three of them there, Lou and Chin having gone to the lab and the morgue to make sure everything was tied together. _

_ “Can’t. I have t… I have Gracie this weekend.” He replied, not even looking at them, his eyes glued to one form or the other. _

_ “Well, I’m sure Steve won’t mind Grace coming, Danny!” She said, smiling at them as Steve nodded next to her. _

_ “Of course not.” _

_ “Sorry, we already made plans. Maybe some other time.” Except it didn’t sound like there would be another time and she felt her heart beat so loudly inside of her that she was sure Danny and Steve had to have heard it, too. “Is there anything else you need?” _

_ “I-uh… No.” Steve mumbled, his eyes flashing with pain, and why could she always see it in her bosses eyes but never Danny’s? Why had she never looked as closely? “Call if you need help with any of that.” _

_ “Yeah, sure, whatever.” So he wouldn’t, clearly. “Do you need anything from me, Kono?” He finally looked up, and the tiredness in his eyes and the black circles under them striked her: the case had been long, but they had been doing nothing but paperwork, coming in late and going out early for two days so the only reason he would be so tired was that he wasn’t sleeping. _

_ “No… Sorry to have bothered you.” She apologised feeling his gaze on her, unshifting, passive,  _ dead.

_ Closing the door behind her and feeling tears burn behind her eyes. She went to the kitchen area they had, deciding that maybe a warm cup of decaf would help her settle a bit. She set the machine and went to get her cup, and it shouldn’t have registered with her, it hadn’t registered with her until then, but Danny’s cup was there, innocently sitting in the back of the cupboard, as if mocking her. _

_ Danny’s cup never even made it into the cabinet. Not with how much coffee he had. Frowning she flipped the lid on the box for Danny’s coffee. It was empty. And dusty, even on the inside. But he still smelled like coffee, his office did, too. _

_ “Kono? Is everything alright?” Steve came behind her, laying a hand in her arm.  _

_ “Danny’s cup is in the cupboard.”  _

_ “What?” She didn’t blame him for his confusion, it was an odd topic to raise all of the sudden. _

_ “His cup!” She yelled as she waved her hands towards it. “It's never in the cupboard. He drinks like 5 cups of coffee a day! We never put it away because he's always using it, remember?” Yes, he remembered, mostly because it was always in a different place and it used to drive him crazy. “And his box, it’s empty and dusty…” _

_ When was the last time she saw him go get a new coffee? Was she the first one to see that change? How? How could none of them have realised the huge change in that behavior? Danny was almost addicted to the stuff and then one day decided to quit and no one batted an eye? No one questioned him? No one was  _ worried _? Yeah, no wonder he thought they didn’t care about him. They were supposed to be his ohana, but nobody had been looking at him. How many other things had changed about Danny that she didn’t know about? _

_ She glanced at him, hunched over his table, buried in folders and paperwork, clearly drowning: in work, in sadness and probably his own thoughts, because she knew how he got when his insomnia flared up, how he thought about everything he had done wrong, that everything was his fault. And before she would check on him when he saw he was more down that usual, but she hadn’t For the longest time, she hadn’t. She hadn’t realised there was something wrong because Danny was one hell of an actor, and if he thought they didn’t give a shit about him… Of course he would make it seem like everything was okay _

_ Drowning because of them. _

_ And they hadn’t thrown a lifeline at him. _

_ How many had he thrown at them over the years? How many times had they called him for help? How many other times had he shown without having to call him?  _

_ And how many times had he called for help? She knew the answer. She hated the answer. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm thinking of a new fic made up short chapters revolving about Danny (just in case that wasn't obvious) and food. So if you want to tell me your favourite dishes, please feel free to!


	15. Changes: Lou III

**Lou III**

“You know Danny, I never expected Steve to like Valentine’s that much.” He confessed as he helped him decorate the place, Junior distracting Steve with a run around some track or other.

“Yeah, me neither, if I’m honest.” Danny replied. It had been a nice surprise, because he  _ loved _ Valentine’s Day, but from what Steve had told them over the years it was something he felt he had to do, not something he wanted to do.

“I don’t think he likes the day itself, guys.” Tani said from her place on top of the stairs. “I’m pretty sure he loves it because of you, Danny.”

“What do you mean?” Danny asked, coming out of the kitchen to look at her.

“Well, the way I see it, you like Valentine’s Day, therefore it makes you happy, and he likes it when you are happy.” She explained. “Well, this is done, and now I have to go get ready for my own date.” She said, jumping off the stairs.

“Thank you, kiddo.” Danny said, hugging her briefly and walking her to the door. “And use protection!” He yelled when she drove away to which she replied by flipping him the bird. “And shouldn’t you be heading home? Renee is going to kill you if you mess up again, man.”

“No, don’t worry, I’ve got it all under control: we have a table at Morimoto’s, I have my suit pressed, my shoes polished and a proper bouquet of roses.”

“Nice, man. Well, if you somehow end up in the dog house  _ again _ , do not come here because I am not getting out of bed or letting Steve out of it unless some crazy asshole decides to blow up the islands. Again.”

“TMI Williams, TMI!” The man waved his hands in front of his face. “I love you, but I want to know what you two do under the sheets as much as you want to know what Renee and I do.” By the way he scrunched up his face, it was clear Danny didn’t want to know about that either. “Exactly. Say, do we have time for a beer?”

Danny looked at the clock hanging over the fridge. “Yeah man, Steve won’t be here for another hour at least.” He said as he took two Longboards and popped them open, handing one to Lou, who had taken a seat in one of the stools as Danny sat on the counter, close enough to the stove that he could stir the sauce but far away enough that he wouldn’t be splattered, head resting against the cupboards, legs swinging and a loose hold on his bottle as he talked about Grace and Charlie coming over to the house the following day.

Lou couldn’t help but smile at that image, memories of a not so bright past popping in his mind, memories of a time where Danny didn’t even let himself lean against a table, no matter how tired or hurt he was, he stood straight like a pole, his shoulders always tense, not letting anyone see any kind of weakness and with the way they had been treating him he could not blame him, so seeing him like this, the exact definition of relaxed with him to witness it meant everything to him.

_ Lou watched Danny stay in his office past working time, and while that had become a regular sight, it was strange that he would stay in on Valentine’s. _

_ He knocked on the door and opened it gently. “Hey, what are you still doing here?” He questioned. _

_ Danny only looked at him from the side of his eye _ _ before he went back to the file in front of him. “The Governor is expecting this by tomorrow.” He simply replied. _

_ “And you are going to work on Valentine’s? What about Melissa?” _

_ “She’s working and Grace is with her mother.” He said, and when was the last time he heard him talk in that cold, cutting voice? The same voice he used when he was talking to CIA Agents or FBI Directors. Had he ever used it with them? He didn’t think so. _

_ “But you could go visit her at the…” _

_ “She won’t have time, Valentine’s is always a crazy day and I don’t feel…” He shook his head before turning to glare at him. “Do you need something, Lou? Because if not, I have things to do.” And that was a dismissal if he had ever heard one. _

_ “Just… Good night.” Danny never replied. He didn’t even acknowledge it, so he just closed the door and left him there. _

_ Since when did Danny just brush off Valentine’s Day like that? Even if Melissa was working, he usually still took the time to make something for her and drop it at the hospital, usually her favourite food. _

_ And thinking about Melissa when was the last time they saw her? Or even heard about her? And more alarming, when was the last time Danny shared anything remotely personal that didn’t involve work? When was the last time he showed them a picture of Melissa or Grace? That talked about Eric or his sisters? _

_ He was about to turn around and go ask him when Lorena’s voice echoed in his head telling him to observe first, to not get ahead and try to fix things without knowing the main problems first, so with a heavy heart he went to his car, climbing inside. _

_ Had Melissa and Danny broken up? They had seemed so happy the last time he saw them but then again, merely a month and a half ago they all thought Danny was doing fine, none of them had noticed any of the little… No, not little, apologising to Steve, knocking on his office to be let inside, not drinking coffee those were not little changes, those were huge, and they had ignored all the signs that were right in front of their faces with glaring neon signs and loud music, so why would Danny even think of sharing anything personal with them? When every time he did he got ignored, brushed aside or, even worse,  _ mocked?

_ He took his phone out of his pocket and opened the group chat with the other three and started typing. And deleting. And typing. He hesitated to send the message, knowing it would ruin the day for his friends and he was about to delete the message again when the image of Danny, sitting alone in his office, with the bright, fake lights, a thermos of coffee next to him and surrounded by folders and hunched over the table invaded his mind.  _

_ If Danny was going to be alone and hurting during one of his favourite days, did they deserve that happiness they had taken from him? _

_ He pressed send. _

_ And then drove to his house, where he broke down in his wife’s arms, who even without understanding what was going on or to whom he was apologising still held him and told him that everything would be alright.  _

_ But that just made it worse: when was the last time someone asked Danny how he was doing? When was the last time someone told him that everything would be alright? _


	16. Changes: Adam I

**Adam I.**

“Hey, you know she'll be fine, right?” Adam said, bumping their shoulders together.

“Doesn’t mean I won’t miss her. Or worry about her." The shorter man replied, looking up at him. “You tell me in 15 years how you feel when Daniella says she’s going away, ok buddy?” He teased, making Adam purse his lips at the idea of his daughter going to a place where he couldn’t reach her in case of an emergency. “Exactly.”

They had to leave Daniella at home because once she understood that Grace was going away for a long period of time (3 months was an eternity for a 5 years old) she did not stop crying for one whole hour and Adam really did not want a repeat one that. His daughter loved Gracie to the moon and back and would not leave her side whenever the older girl was on sight, but Grace loved playing with her and Charlie. Danny had done an amazing job in raising such a great woman.

Grace was currently hugging Steve who seemed even more affected by her departure than her father, but they all knew that, deep down (not so deep these years) Steve was a gooey cookie with even gooier marshmallows in the center. He finally let her go, kissing her head a few times, and she moved to Adam, wrapping her arms around his neck as Steve went to Danny, hugging him close and mumbling something that earned him a Williams eye roll. The really affectionate one.

“I’m gonna miss you, Uncle Adam.” She whispered, hugging him close.

“I’m gonna miss you to, kiddo. You take care, ok?” He kissed her head, feeling her nod against his chest. “I love you.”

She nodded. “I love you too, Uncle Adam.” And to this day, hearing Danny’s kids say that to him, made him tremble in joy. “Take care of Danno and Uncle Steve for me?”

“Of course. Always. And if you ever need anything…”

“Just call. I know.” She kissed his cheek before she moved to her dad and even though they were almost the same height, she still tucked her head against his neck. Steve had moved a few feet away to give them some privacy, picking up Charlie when he tugged on his hand.

She said something that pulled a laugh out of her father and god did it make his heart swell in happiness to hear him laugh like that again: for a long time he was sure that the Danny he had met would never be back, that the pain he had been under would be too much and would leave him withering away, unable to trust others again. And really, could anyone have blamed him if that happened? 

He glanced at the taller man, seeing him happy, relaxed, with his step-son in his arms: Steve had changed so much from when they had met, too. He was much softer now, the pain he went through when he realised how badly he and the team had hurt Danny changing all of them.

“Uncle Adam!” He blinked, surprised, and turned around when he saw Charlie leaning out of Steve’s arms and into his: if there had been one thing that surprised him about Steve was how easily he accepted Charlie wanting to go to someone else, never a hint on jealousy when the kid hopped out of his arms, but always an adoring look when he asked to be picked up.

“Hey buddy, what’s up?” God, he was getting big.

“Can I go to your house and play with Danny?” It didn’t matter how much they tried Daniella to write it as Dani, she insisted she wanted it like her godfather.

“You need to ask your parents first, but sure.”

“Daaaaad, can I?” He looked at Steve over Adam’s shoulder.

“Of course kiddo.” But even as he said so, they all turned to Danny, who still had his not-so-little girl in his arms and gave a thumbs up.

He would never be able to believe the amount of trust Danny had in him, even after all these years, it still rocked him to the core that Danny trusted him with his children.

He never expected his friendship with Danny to grow as much as it did, to the point where he considered him his brother, and considered himself Danny’s brother, too. Danny would never Michael (and thank god for that) and he would never Matty (thank god for that, too), but they would be there for the other no matter what.

And if he ever had to choose between Danny and Steve, well, it wasn’t even a question who he would choose. 

Who he had chosen.

_ There was something going on with Five-0 and it didn't take a detective to see it, and whatever it was involved Danny one way or another. _

_ Or rather, it didn't. He had seen the man withdraw into himself more and more over the last few months, to the point he barely said anything and was always looking tired. _

_ First he started his time in team outings short: he was seeing Melissa, the kids were over the next day, he had chores to do or errands to run. _

_ After a few weeks he started to skip the outings altogether. And then, out of nowhere he took a week off. He had asked Kono, but she had… shrugged it off, saying it was just Danny, as if the man took weeks off on the regular, as if he didn't work from home whenever he had been on leave. _

_ So after a few weeks of Danny being less and less present in the team, even in the stories Kono told, he decided to check on him one night that Kono was out with her friends. _

_ He ran the bell and waited, Grace opening the door, shyly, opening it more when she saw him. _

_ "Hi!" She said, but didn't let him in. She looked very nervous. Too nervous. _

_ "Hi Grace. Is… everything ok?" He asked, lowering his voice, just in case. _

_ "Eh? Oh, yeah. Just…" _

_ "Monkey, who is it?" Danny's voice boomed from the inside. _

_ "It's Adam, Danno!" Grace yelled back. _

_ "Be right there!" A few seconds later he was there, gently pushing his daughter back inside and although she looked reluctant, she did. "Hey. What… what are you doing here?" _

_ Adam shrugged, looking over him. "I just wanted…" Adam sighed, rubbing his temple. "Look, tell me to get lost if you want to but… Are you alright, man? You haven't been yourself lately and I'm worried about you." _

_ He had expected a lot of things, like a door slammed to his face or Danny telling him to get lost, as he had offered. What he hadn't expected was the look of sheer shock on the man's face, the way his eyes grew in size or his lips trembled. _

_ "Why?"  _

_ And what kind of question was that? Who asked that? What had happened to him that made him think people didn't worry about him? _

_ "Because… I'd like to think we are friends and you've looked so down lately." He explained, taking a step towards him and setting a hand on his shoulder. "Danny, what's going on with Five-0?" _

_ And he broke down, as if he had been waiting for someone,  _ anyone _ , to ask him that, tears streaming down his face, heart-wrenching sobs ripping out of his body, shaking him, and before he could think of what to do he had already gathered him in a tight hug. _

_ He didn't say anything, he pulled him inside, not wanting him to be so exposed to everyone's eyes. _

_ He could not say how long they stood there; Danny a broken man in his arms, unable to contain himself any longer, clearly too exhausted to keep it to himself any longer and him, holding there and wondering where the hell Steve was when his partner clearly needed him the most. _

_ "Charlie, no!" Grace's loud exclamation had Danny spinning out of his arms and drying his cheeks right before a kid with blond hair, fair skin and blue eyes came out of the corner. "Danno, I'm sorry." She came right after Charlie and looked at her father with huge brown eyes, worried that she was going to get scolded. _

_ "Monkey, it's fine." He smiled at her, messing her hair up. He then picked up the kid, setting him on his hip. "What is it, kiddo?" _

_ "I want juice, daddy." _

_ Daddy? Adam's head was spinning. Danny had a child? And no one told him?  _

_ "Of course. Adam, a beer?" Danny said, and while his eyes were still red, there was a light in them when his kids came around  _

_ "Y-yeah. Thank you." He said and watched him go and he was going to follow when Grace grabbed his wrist. "Grace?" _

_ "Thank you for coming. No one…" She bit her lip, unsure of what to say. _

_ "I understand. I'll come as much as I can, alright? And shouldn't you be with your mum? I thought you came here on Wednesdays." _

_ She shrugged, but an incredibly sad look flickered in her eyes. "We live with Danno for now." _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moondance_94, femember when we talked about Adam stepping up and being Danny's new pillar? Well, this is what came out of it!
> 
> I hope you guys liked it!


	17. Danny IV

**Danny IV.**

_ Adam has been coming for dinner these past couple on months, he got me a Japanese cooking book since he can't cook. At all. Maybe he can boil some rice.  _

_ It’s nice to have him there.  _

_ And for someone else to know about Charlie. Rachel has had to go to England for a while, her mother is sick and she wants to care for her, and since Stan filed for divorce we altered the custody so the kids can stay with me until we decide if we go back to Jersey or to London. I didn’t really think about London as an option, but her cousin is a cop, too, and he said that if I pass the exam it shouldn’t be a problem for me to get in. And maybe the more distance I put between myself and my family in Jersey will also be better, that way they don’t have to look at my face too often and remind them that I got Matty killed. _

_ And Adam knowing about my kid means I have someone I can call if I need to go out on a case to keep an eye on them if needed. And the kids love him, they’ve been stuck with me for too long. Grace still asks about Steve every now and then, but she’s been asking more and more about Adam these days. And well, Charlie thankfully never met Steve, so he is not hurting like his sister and he already loves Adam. _

_ The kids have started calling him Uncle Adam, and he’s great with them. Really careful with Charlie since he can get tired so easily and helps Grace with her homework. He’s even helped me tuck them in. He’s been driving me to the check ups, too. _

_ He’ll be a great father some day. I'm just sad I won't be there to see it. I'm going to miss him so much. _

_ But in a way it’s harder to have him around, because I still don’t understand what I have done that made the others stop caring about me. I mean, they haven’t asked if I’m not okay, I don't think they have even noticed, and we see each other everyday but Adam knew, he knew and we only saw each other maybe two or four times a month. He came to check up on me, Steve hasn’t even asked why we stopped going to his house, but I guess he’s actually relieved. He never signed up to co-parent my kid anyway, never signed to have a child running around and getting excited about everything. And it would be a lot worse with Charlie, who is still so young but is sick and so so weak right now, in addition to his tantrums. _

_ Maybe it wasn’t only me being useless, maybe I was too annoying, too loud, too talkative. Steve always did tell me to shut up and that I talked too much, the others think I have too many stupid opinions about things no one cares about. He probably hated it when I touched him and he just put up with it so I wouldn’t go back to HPD and have all the paperwork fall on him.  _

_ But maybe… Maybe if I change, if I stop talking and complaining about Hawaii and moving my arms around… Maybe they'll take me back if I can be professional like them, if I can solve my problems on my own without any help, they've always managed to get their shit straight without any help from us. I couldn't even get out of prison on my own, they had to do all the work. _

_ Oh. _

_ Maybe that's it. Maybe they  _ **have** _ noticed that something is wrong with me and they are waiting to see if I can get myself together so they can trust me to do my job again, if I can be at least a bit reliable and that they won't be dead at the end of shift because of me. (Like Grace. Or Meka. Do most cops have that many dead partners? I don't think so.) _

_ But can I really change? I don't think so. I'm too much of a coward and too pathetic to even try. I'm scared of small places and I have never done anything about it and I think I can change? Yeah right, keep dreaming Williams, you are a pathetic little dog who can't do anything by himself. That's why Steve doesn't want me around him anymore, right? What would he want a stupid neurotic cop around for when he has Kono, who would follow him anywhere?  _

_ And it's probably better if I don't, if they leave me alone instead of trying to get me to go do things with them when they don't really want me there, that way it'll be easier for me to leave, no loose ends. _

_ When we finally move, I’ll make a better job of controlling myself and of changing how I act, so I don’t become a bother again. I mean, I know I’m probably really annoying. Nobody likes annoying people who can’t do anything right without supervision. I don’t like them either, but I didn’t know I was one of them. It takes one to know one, I guess. _

_ Maybe I should retire altogether, stay at home with Charlie and not bother more people than necessary. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost deleted the whole thing! I swear my heart skipped a beat.
> 
> Also, I feel like I should apologise because that one got quite dark again, so yeah, sorry guys.


	18. Therapy II: Steve IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's hurt Steve some this time, yes?

**Steve IV.**

The second he saw Danny among all the people pouring into the baggage claim he smiled: Danno was a sight for sore eyes. He smiled when Danny spotted him, a pleased grin splitting his face.

He looked so good when he smiled like that.

He waited patiently until Danny was within arms reach, but once he was he tugged him into a crushing hug, kissing his head.

“Missed me much, babe?” He asked, as if he wasn’t hugging him just as tightly.

“I always miss you, Danno.” Steve replied, pulling away, but just enough to tip his head backwards and kiss Danny on the lips, short and sweet. 

“Hm… Good to know.” He pressed another kiss to his lips and then pulled away, grabbing his hand. “This ok?”

“It’s perfect, Danny.” He reassured him, squeezing his hand and interlacing their fingers together so that there were no more misunderstandings between them. They were not big fans of PDA but god, he needed him close. Danny had been gone for almost three weeks, visiting his family to meet his newest niece and help Bridget move places.

Once they had Danny’s bag, Steve drove them home, his hand resting in Danny’s thigh all the time, the cop's hand on top of his, brushing his knuckles.

Danny arched an eyebrow at the folded boxes on the side of the hallway.

"I'll tell you later." Steve said, aware of the unasked question. "Why don't you go shower while I make dinner?"

“Sounds good. Thanks, Steve.” He kissed his cheek and up the stairs he went, straight for Steve’s room and into the bathroom. 

* * *

“Smells great, babe.” Danny said as he entered the kitchen and Steve couldn’t help but tug him into his arms: he looked so good like that. His hair was still swept back, but only by water, so it was already puffing up, he had decided to skip the shirt altogether and was only wearing his pyjama bottoms and more importantly, was barefoot. And that was important because barefoot Danny meant relaxed, happy Danny. And that was his favourite Danny.

Dinner had been fish steaks and a simple salad because Steve knew Danny was exhausted, eleven hours of flying were not easy on anyone and something heavy on his stomach was not optimal. Once the dishes were done and the house was locked down, they headed to bed, Steve drawing Danny to himself as soon as the blond slid under the covers.

“Hm…” Danny wiggled until his head was resting on Steve’s chest and one of his legs slotted in between his. “Missed this so much.” He mumbled, rubbing his cheek against his chest.

“Yeah? Me too, Danno.” He squeezed his shoulders and Danny stretched to kiss him, slowly, tongue gently dipping in. Steve curled a hand in response, around his neck, not holding down, just a gentle weight on him.

“Love you.” The blond mumbled when they split.

“Love you, too.”

“Hm-mh. So… what’s with all the boxes?”

Steve gave him a shy smile, scratching the side of his neck: he really hoped he wasn’t about to screw everything up with his next words. It had taken him a full week to decide on how to say it, and the best way, he decided, was without saying the actual words. 

“I uh, I’ve been clearing Mary’s old room and the guest room. For Grace and Charlie.” He added, slowly, staring at the ceiling. 

Danny didn’t say anything, but Steve didn’t have time to worry because instead, his lover shifted until he was looming over him, a blinding smile on his face. “Is that your backhanded way of saying you want me to move in with you?”

“Yeah. Is it… Is it working?” He replied,also smiling now that he was sure Danno was not going to start rambling at him about deciding things on his own and whatnot. Which, yeah, he kinda did, but only because Danny had been spending more time here than in his own house lately. 

“Yeah. But not yet, ok? Once my lease is up.” He replied, kissing him.

And Steve could work with that, Danny still had another 5 months in his house, that would give them time to redecorate and talk about everything that needed to be talked about, like bill splitting (he already knew Danny would insist on it) and hopefully redoing the kitchen, but he hadn’t wanted to do that, not when he didn’t cook much and Danny was the one who enjoyed cooking.

He had made Danno feel unwelcome once, he was not making that mistake twice. Never again would Danny not think of his house as his own place. He could still remember how his heart broke when he realised that Danny thought him and Grace weren’t wanted in his house anymore, that he had just been putting up with both of them.

He hugged him closer, needing Danny’s weight and warmth all over him, covering him like a blanket: some days he still needed the reassurance that Danny was really there, in bed with him, more so when he was away for more than a week and _especially_ if he went to New Jersey, some days he just thought that they, _he_ hadn’t done enough to reassure Danny that he was loved, and wanted. Even if that whole debacle had been well and over two years ago.

_“Steve, when’s the last time Danny was at your house?”_

_“Hm? This morning to pick me up, like always.” The car rides had been getting more and more tense, because Danny was slipping, and fast, his answers short and clipped, mostly “yes” and “no”, his hands clenched at his sides, as if he was trying to refrain himself from moving them as usual, and because he saw it_ now _he was walking on eggshells, even if he didn’t want to, but he had no idea on how to deal with any of that._

_But then again, that’s why he went to Claire._

_She shook her head. “No. When is the last time Danny came over to… hang out with you? Or came on a Saturday with his daughter?”_

_Oh. When was it? It hadn’t been that long, right? They came a couple of times after… Grace’s birthday…_

_That had been almost 5 months ago._

_No._

_No._

_That wasn’t right. It_ couldn’t _be right. They had come after that. That had to have come. He would have noticed otherwise, right? But didn’t evidence point to exactly the contrary? He hadn’t seen his partner’s suffering even though they were together almost all the time. Or used to be. When had Danny disappeared from his side? When had he let him go? What had happened?_

_They had had a lot of high-end cases lately and somehow… it slipped his mind. How, he didn’t know. It wasn’t an excuse, that was not how he ever intended to treat his best friend._

_The man he was in love with._

_God, he was in love with Danny and he had taken him for granted, never said anything and now he was losing him, he was slipping through his fingers because he hadn’t put any sort of attention on his actions and how they might be hurting Danno._

_For_ five _fucking months Danno had been convinced that they thought he was useless, and he hadn’t even realised how long it had been._

_“Steve?” Claire was looking at him with slightly worried eyes. “Why don’t we take a minute?”_

_“5.”_

_“Five minutes? Of course.” She said, glad to know he was actually opening up about needing more time._

_“No. Five months. Give or take, I don’t… remember exactly.” Claire frowned: that was a lot longer than she had expected and it made things much harder to solve, because if it had been one or even two months that could have been solved with a deep and sincere apology, but close to half a year? And without Steve realising? She wasn’t sure how to approach it. But there were more pressing questions right now._

_“Alright, what has changed?”_

_Steve sighed. “Everything? He’s… apologising to me for being snippy, he doesn’t talk anymore, he only comes out if we call him, even with a case it’s like...” he let out a shuddering breath, feeling a lump forming on his throat. “He's going home sooner, takes the paperwork with him, It’s like he’s trying to stay out of our way, and I don’t know how to bring him back. And I miss him so bad. I want him back!” He could feel the burn of tears behind his eyes. “I want him to stop knocking on my door, I want him to storm into my place like he lives there and to bring Gracie without me having to invite him over! I want my Danno back!” Tears started rolling down him cheeks and he quickly scrubbed them away, but he still couldn't take a breath that wasn't shuddering, couldn't blink without more tears springing from his eyes._

_“Steve, deep breaths.” Claire said and he followed what was clearly an order without thinking it twice, feeling his heart rate slow down. “Ok, do you want to take a break or continue?”_

_He shook his head. “I’m good.” He didn’t want to be there more than necessary, and he wanted,_ needed _, answers._

_Claire nodded. “Alright. You said you invited him and Grace over, correct?” He nodded. “Did you stop?”_

_He was about to glare at her when he realised he had. At some point. He stopped telling Danny to come over; he had just assumed that Danny would continue to do so but he hadn’t. He hadn’t even called to check if they could come, or if he wanted to hang out with them._

_Of course Danny hadn’t come. H_ _adn’t called. Hadn't asked for help._

_He thought they were only putting up with him because he did their paperwork, he thought they didn’t care for him, and with their carelessness they had all but confirmed it in his mind. Of course Danny thought they were being pushed away, that Steve wanted nothing to do with him or his daughter when for five months there had been no mention of going out with them, of an invitation to go to his place for a lazy Saturday afternoon._

_Oh God, Gracie._

_Had she noticed too? Did she also think that he didn’t love them? That he had gotten tired of them? How the fuck had he not even thought of her until now? Was he really that bad of a person he forgot about the kid he loved the most in the world? Oh fuck, had something happened to her? Was that why Danny was leaving exactly at 16.50 everyday unless they were in a case?_

_He was disgusting. He didn’t deserve their love. He didn’t deserve their pain. He didn’t even deserve their hate._

_This time he couldn’t stop the bile that rose from his stomach._


	19. Therapy II: Chin Ho IV

**Chin Ho IV.**

Chin sat down next Danny, on the grass, rubbing his shoulder before he gathered him in a one-arm hug.

“How you doing, brah?” He asked, softly, knowing that 9/11 was always a hard day for Danny and with Steve away to Hawai’i on a case and Adam back to Japan for a visit to his father’s and brother’s grave, it was worse for him. And even without Steve’s text to please check up on him, he still would have gone to make sure Danny was okay. Or as okay as he could be, at least.

“I’m fine.” Danny muttered. And that was a lie. A big, fat lie. Not that Chin could fault him, not when 5 months ago Danny thought they didn’t even want him around and that he should change everything about himself to be likeable, more loveable. As if those baby blues and warm hugs didn’t do it for him.

“That’s a lie.” He said, softly, hugging him even closer still.

Danny shrugged, but otherwise let himself be comforted and that was more than Chin thought he would get. Or deserved. So he stayed there, with the blond under his arm and silent. Waiting for Danny to say something. 

Except what he said next were not the words he wanted to hear.

“I know Steve told you to come check on me. You don’t have to do this, Chin. I’m fine.”

He frowned, rolling to his knees and shuffling until he was in front of Danny, gathering him in a tight hug. “You are right, Steve texted me to come check on you. But I was already on my way here when he did. I’m not here because I  _ have _ to, I’m here because I  _ want _ to, ok? Ok?” He pressed when Danny didn’t reply, but then he felt him nod against his shoulder. “Good. Now, how are you?”

Danny’s arms came around him, in a loose hug. “I miss her so much. I loved her so much, Chin.”

Danny never talked about Grace Tillwell, never. Kono, Lou and him only knew about her because they had seen the tattoo on the back of his arm one day at the beach. Unsurprisingly Steve had known for a long time.

Their blond didn’t really share much personal stuff, he pulled that angry persona he had created tightly around himself, as if it were a cloak, and that’s what people saw; they didn’t see the caring father, the brilliant detective, or the amazing friend he was, all they saw were flying hands and all they heard were harsh words.

It’s all they had seen, too, for a very long time. 

They were working really hard on not letting Danny’s anger fool them again. Never again. 

And they had seen the difference between daily angry Danny and what real anger and hatred looked on him: they would forever remember what happened when someone thought it would be a good idea to shoot them and almost kill Steve in a plane almost 9 months ago.

That guy was not going to walk for the rest of his life. Danny had shot Petersen’s knee when he had taken Gracie. He had completely shattered that guy’s knees. Killing him would have been too easy, he had wanted that man to suffer for the rest of his life.

“I can’t even imagine what that was like.” He murmured against blond hair before pushing gently away to sit down next to him again. “How did you get partnered?”

“Captain Rodriguez said if he was going to have two hotheads running around the city without calling for back-up 90% of the time or just going off without an explanation, she'd rather have us together.”

Chin arched an eyebrow at that. “No back-up? You? Does Steve know?”

“No, and he will not know, he won’t let me hear the end of it otherwise.” It was good to have Danny make jokes again, he was coming back to them, he was  _ healing _ . “There’s a reason I always insist on calling back-up. That day… We never told anyone where we were going. I had to tell her sister and her girlfriend that she was killed in the line of duty and that I couldn’t get her to a Hospital because I couldn’t see straight and couldn’t even breathe without wincing, and hospitals weren’t taking walk-ins or sending ambulances.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Danny.”

“Maybe. Doesn’t make it hurt any less.” He turned around to look at him. “Thanks for coming, Chin.”

“Always.” He had failed to check on him before, he was not making that mistake ever again, either.

_ “So, what changes on Danny have you noticed?” Bane asked, sitting down. _

_ “Do you want them in chronological order or alphabetical?” Chin said, deflating in his chair. _

_ “That much?” _

_ Chin nodded. “He’s not Danny. Not anymore. He’s knocking on doors and waiting outside, he doesn’t come to any outings, he doesn’t sit to talk with Steve anymore, he doesn’t berate him for doing risky stuff, let’s him drive the Camaro without complaining, he barely talks anymore, and I know he’s trying to use his hands less, he’s usually clenching his pants whenever he does talk.” _

_ Bane frowned: that was a lot worse than he expected.  _

_ “You know him, which do you think is the more important one?” _

_ “Oh, him letting Steve do whatever he wants without saying anything. Or us, for that matter.” Chin replied immediately, no question. “And it’s not like he worries less, he… just refrains from saying it. I guess it makes sense, though.” _

_ “How so?”  _

_ “He thinks he annoys us so he probably thought that if he just goes with whatever we want to do we’ll want to keep him around or something.” Chin mumbled. “He’s like a ghost. Even during cases he just stays in his office when we are all there around the table. And every time,  _ every single time _ he looks surprised when we ask for his opinion.” _

_ “Did you usually ask for it?” _

_ He shrugged. “We didn’t have to. But I guess that, like with most things, we tended to ask Steve first.” He confessed. “Somehow we ended up thinking that if we checked up on Steve we were also checking up on Danny, they became like one person in our minds and we forgot they are not, that listening to Steve does not equal to listening to Danny.” _

_ “So, what are you saying exactly?” _

_ “We prioritized Steve over Danny every time. If they got hurt, we’d check up on Steve first, and a lot more. If we wanted someone’s opinion, we’d go to Steve first, if we weren’t convinced by it  _ then _ we’d turn to Danny. If we needed help outside of work, we’d go to Steve.” _

_ “So why did you prioritize Steve’s well being over Danny’s?”  _

_ Chin rubbed his head, slightly pulling his hair. “When we first met… John had just been killed, Steve had to bury him on his own and he had no family on the island anymore. It was easy to see he was hurting. He didn’t show it, but we knew it. And he kind of brought all of us, a bunch of misfits, together. And although he was really closed off at that time, you could sense he wanted us around him.” He explained. “But Danny… Danny actively pushed us away, and instead of trying to make him feel at ease with us we poked fun at his haole ways. He was angry at the world, and rightfully so, but instead of trying to quell that anger we simply let him simmer in it and made sure Steve knew we were there for him. Can you believe that the first time I really checked up on him was when his partner at HPD was murdered? Kono and Steve kept saying he was a dirty cop but Danny refused to believe it, said that if he had to investigate it by himself he would and he didn't care if he had our help or not. It took someone he loved being murdered and dumped in a fire pit for me to even consider checking up on him.” _

_ “And did you believe him?” _

_ “Yeah. Danny’s instincts are usually on point. Especially when it comes to the people he trusts.” Although they probably had destroyed that, too. How could Danny ever believe someone loved him when they had walked all over his heart? When they had made it very clear over the years that he would always be second to Steve? “He said he’d always have my back no matter what.” _

_ “And how does that make you feel?” _

_ Like the worst person on earth, because Danny had done so much for him over the years.  _

_ “When Malia died,” he started. “Danny called me almost every night to see how I was doing. He was the one who encouraged me to go out on a couple of dates with Leilani.” _

_ “So why didn’t check up on him when he went to Colombia?” _

_ “We didn’t know about his brother until the Marshalls took him.” And that was solely their fault, because Danny had been so subdued back then, had taken two weeks off claiming his aunt was in the Hospital and might not make it and he had kept up the lie until he was arrested. “And when he was back… I assumed Steve was checking up on him and I didn’t want to… be too much. But for some reason Steve thought someone else was checking up on him, and since to us it looked like he was acting like usual, we just forgot about asking him. We didn’t even talk about it amongst ourselves.” Bane nodded, writing down. “Do you remember how you asked me if we deserved him more than HPD?” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “We don’t. We really don’t.” He finished, tipping his head back, more tears falling freely down his cheeks. “Any-anyone is more worthy of him than we-e are. He fo-found out his brother was dead and we forgot about it after two-two months.” He said, sobs and shivers running through his body. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I turned on the TV today because it's been raining all day long and there isn't much to do in a small, coastal town when the beach is not an option, and then I remembered that they do Castle and H50 re-runs on Saturdays.  
> So I turn it on and of course they had to be playing 6.25. Out of the 10 seasons it has, they had to be playing that one. Just my luck, I swear. It must have looked depressing with a storm outside and me crying my heart out at the ending scene.


	20. Therapy II: Kono

**Kono IV.**

“Danny, I swear I’ll hit you if you insist on paying for the dresses!” Kono exclaimed, glaring at him.

“You can try.” He replied. “But seriously, Kono, you don’t have to. It’s a lot of money going into some dresses that will never be worn again.”

“We never said anything about spending hundreds of dollars on them.” Tani shot back.

“Yeah Danno.” Grace nodded. “And mum is paying for mine.” She told him, grinning.

“Oh is she? Does she know about it?” He questioned, but he knew his daughter and he knew that mischievous glint in her eye.

“Suuuuure… Don’t worry, she won’t even notice it.” She kissed his cheek.

“Don’t worry Danny, I’ll make sure they don’t spend all of their allowance on the dresses.” Kono teased, wrapping an arm around each girl.

“Oh, I’m more worried about you, Kalakaua. Monkey, keep an eye on them for me, ok?”

“Of course Danno. Love you! Oh, I need to get my phone.” She said, patting her pockets. “Be right back.”

“I’ll go call Koa meanwhile.” 

Danny rolled his eyes, as if they didn’t know who she was really calling, and sat down on the sofa: one was definitely texting Will, the other talking with Junior, they had a good thirty minutes before they came back.

“So, how is HPD treating you, rookie?”

"It's not home, but I really want to do it." She said, getting comfy under his stretched arm.

After everything they had said and done to him she really thought Danny would never want them close again, but he did. He took them back. Reluctantly, at first, but who could blame him after they almost broke him beyond repair? Of course he was cautious.

And with her and Adam's divorce she thought that that was it for them, because of course Danny still called every now and then to check up on her, always with a small voice at first, as if he wasn't sure if Kono wanted to keep in contact with him.

She had been confused at first because clearly Danny's friendship with Adam was stronger, so when she asked why he kept calling, Danny had simply said he knew what it was to lose friends in a divorce, but that he would stop calling if she didn't want his friendship, that he understood.

And god, that had been the last thing she wanted, so she yelled "no" into her phone, scared that if she didn't say anything Danny would be gone from her life. For good this time.

"I'm happy you decided to accept their offer. For now." He said. HPD offered her a spot in the Detective Bureau should she pass the exam when she came from her hunt with the FBI and with Adam working in Five-0 more regularly she thought it would be a great opportunity. "You'll be a great detective, Kono."

She smiled at him: he had no idea how much those words meant coming from him. She told him so.

"Thanks, Kono." He mumbled, his cheeks reddening. Danny accepting compliments for what they were had been a challenge, because at the beginning he thought they were just lying to him so he would stay, he didn't think they meant it and, even worse, thought that he didn't deserve them. _They_ had made him feel like he did not deserve them.

"You are the best detective I've ever known, Danny." She told him, cuddling closer. "I just want to make you justice. Show everyone that I learnt so much from you and that they were stupid to let you go with a fight." She explained. "But I'm glad they did, otherwise I wouldn't have met you and Steve would have probably killed all of us by now." 

That made Danny laugh, deep and carefree, and he looked so much younger like that, made her almost forget everything they had put him through.

"Would it… would it be okay if I called you for advice? HPD doesn't really have the same means and resources as Five-0."

"Of course Kono. That should go without saying. Anything in particular?"

"Lots of things but… Investigations are much longer there. I just want to know... how did you not get attached?" In Five-0 an investigation lasted, at most, two weeks. And those had been the most extreme cases, they were usually done within a week, but she knew a detective could work on the same case for over a month sometimes.

“Experience, I guess. I did get attached at the beginning, but there comes a point where you realise you just can’t do it like that, it will consume you and you’ll end up chasing ghosts. Every single detective has gone through that, don’t worry, you’ll find out why one day. Maybe a case that keeps you up days on end, it affects your family life…” He shrugged. “Unfortunately, we don’t have the nicest of jobs.” He said.

Kono nodded, hugging him: how could Danny have ever thought he wasn’t a great detective? The best in Five-0? How did they manage to give him nightmares about them abandoning him? About him getting kidnapped and no one coming to his rescue because they were better off without him?

She never told him how she found out about that.

_“He was asleep on his desk when I went to check if everyone had left.” She explained, as Alana looked at her._

_“Well, you did just finish a big case, right? How many times have you slept in your office, Kono?”_

_Kono shrugged. “A lot. But that’s not what’s important here. He was having a nightmare. It was… bad.”_

_“I see. Did he tell you what it was about?”_

_“He didn’t have to. He hum…” She felt her eyes burn. “He was begging us to come save him. He kept saying he’d change, that he would be better. He said it was the last time he would ask for our help. He was_ crying _!” She sniffed, tears falling freely. “He promised to stay quiet and just follow us around. He said he knew he was a_ dog _.”_

_“A dog?”_

_“He said, he said he was a pathetic little dog. To please take care of his Grace, that she was a good kid. Even sleeping he was trying to make sure his daughter would be safe. Even when he dreamt we were not rescuing him he still begged us to take care of her.”_

_That had been the moment she really understood just how much they had broken Danny. It wasn’t that he thought they didn’t want him around: if his dreams were anything to go by, he really thought they would leave him to be tortured and die alone. That they would throw his kid away just because she was related to him._

_“How long did you stay there Kono?” She had met Danny, she knew the man talked fast, but the way she was talking about it..._

_“I don’t… I don’t know. I just couldn’t move, all I could do was listen to him and cry. When I told the others Steve threw his phone against the wall. I’ve never seen him that angry.”_

_“At you?”_

_“At himself. At all of us, really. It’s not only his fault that Danny thinks like this. We’ve all been reinforcing these ideas in his head with our carelessness, not just Steve. We got… I don’t know. We all thought Danny would be with us forever, and we took him for granted and not that he might leave, now that he’s in pain we have no idea on how to act. We don’t know what to do not to make it worse.” He confessed. “It seems like whatever we do he pushes us away even more. And we haven’t tried anything major! Just like we agreed.”_

_“Good.” Alana nodded. “Tell me about what you’ve tried.”_

_“Steve and I tried to invite him and Gracie over for lunch, but he refused, saying they already had plans. Chin tried to have him sit with him and Steve in Steve’s office one day where we had no cases. Lou found him on Valentine’s day doing overtime to finish a report for the governor instead of going to visit Melissa at the hospital.”_

_“Melissa? His girlfriend?” Kono nodded. “Have they broken up?”_

_Kono shrugged. “We don’t know. We don’t know anything anymore. He doesn’t talk with us. Not that I blame him, I just… I don’t know what to do and I can feel him slipping further away everyday. And on top of that Adam is going out somewhere almost every night.”_

_“Adam?” That was strange, Kono almost never talked about her husband._

_“Yeah. He usually comes home after I get there, some evenings I don’t even see him, we don’t have dinner together that often, either.” She explained. “I guess it’s not only Danny who has been drifting away from me without me noticing.” She said, a sad smile on her face._

_After everything they had gone through, she was going to lose Adam too. Because she had been so focused on the job, on making sure Steve and Chin knew she was there for them. For Lou in case Sam wanted to talk to someone who wasn’t family._

_She was going to lose her husband and the man she considered her brother as much as she did Chin because of her own foolishness. But… She could still save those relationships, right? Adam and her just needed to reconnect. She needed to apologise to Danny, make him feel wanted and loved, she needed to do everything she hadn’t done in lord knew how long. And she was going to. Even if it took her whole life, she was going to make everything right._

_Her mother would be so disappointed in her._

_“Alright, so here is what I want you to do: whenever you see him having a nightmare, wake him up, reassure him that you are there for him and that he can come to you if needed. At any given time, ok? But don’t ask if he has been sleeping right, he might take that as a sign of you looking for a reason to lay him off and we don’t need that.”_


	21. Therapy II: Lou IV

**Lou IV:**

“So… Pick a base? Really, Williams?” Lou said as he watched the man devour his sandwich. Not that he could fault him, not with the night he had had.

“Shuddup.”

Lou raised his hands. “No, no. That was smooth as fuck. I mean, it certainly worked.” Danny groaned at his words, but really, those kids were not going to ever forget the kiss Steve planted on his partner’s lips in the middle of the ballroom. They would never know that was their first kiss. 

“What do you care, Lou?” Danny said as he went for another bite.

Lou’s breath hitched at those words. He was sure Danny didn’t mean it like that.  _ He was! _ But last time they only  _ heard  _ the words that Danny said almost ended with Danny leaving them for good.

“Danny, of course I care!” He exclaimed, looking at the man, but the way he was blinking at him mid bite, tomato hanging from his mouth, he knew this time he had been right.

He quickly swallowed what was on his mouth. “Wha-? God, no! Lou, I didn’t mean it like that! I’m sorry, I should…”

“ _You_ should not be apologising.” Lou interrupted, fiercely, as he raised a hand. “We are the ones who messed up big time, Danny. And I am promising you, right here, right now, that I will always care about you.  _ I’ve _ always cared about you. Even if I was shit at letting you know.” Danny didn’t say anything, simply nodded. “I’m sorry for everything we put you through.” He said. He had been saying it for almost 10 months now, but he would say it as many times as needed, until Danny fully understood that they really were sorry.

“I know.” Danny mumbled, his eyes now focused on the dashboard. “It helps. Hearing you say it.” Lou took it as the confession he knew it was and moved to wrap an arm around his shoulders.

“You scared the shit out of us today, Danny.” He mumbled. “When I realised what was going on when I came over… I was terrified I’d never see the kids or you again. I would not have been able to do what you did.”

“Give it another 5 years with McGarrett, you’ll find yourself doing shit like that before you even realise it.” Danny said, shaking his head.

“Nah man, I know I could not have done it. I would have been too much into my own head to hint at what you wanted us to do. That was genius.”

“Couldn’t have made it without your boy, Lou. You’ve raised him well. But don’t teach him more moves. I'm serious, Lou. When’s the last time you went dancing? The 80s?”

“Oh shut up, Danny. LIke you could do any better.”

“No, but I’m not teaching my kids either, now am I?” The man shot back, and Lou had never been happier to be told off in such a snappy tone.

“Finish your damn sandwich.” He said instead, smiling. “I’m dropping Grace at rachel and then, I have strict orders to drive you to McGarrett’s.”

“Of course you do.” Danny said, but it came overly fond. So much, that Lou couldn’t help but smile at the obvious love between those two. And to think that they had almost lost it because of their own blindness made his heart heavy.

“So, what’s next for you and Steve?”

The younger man stopped eating. “We’ll have to talk. I wasn’t… I mean, of course I meant it, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that, yet. And I don’t know if…”

“He’ll wait.” He said, gently, wrapping a hand around his wrist, knowing how hard it was for Danny to say those words. “He’ll wait, Danny. He wants nothing more than to love you. He’ll wait for as long as he has to.”

The blond nodded, giving him a small, thankful smile.

_ “Lou, good afternoon.” Lorena said, smiling at him. “How are you?” _

_ “Been better, that’s for sure.” He lamented as he sat down. _

_ “I heard you had a case. No one was injured, right?” _

_ “Everyone’s fine. But no, it’s not about the case. It’s Danny.” _

_ Lorena frowned at his words: it had been a long while ever since Lou had been so distraught about Danny thinking he was going to be replaced and she had an inkling that things had not gotten better. At all, not according to everything he had been telling her over their last few sessions. She knew Lou was the one who had more therapy appointments, or at least, public ones. Chin and Kono she knew went when they needed, while Danny and Steve she had no idea. Not that she was supposed to know. _

_ Lou didn’t even need any prompting before he carried on talking. _

_ “Grace came by the other day to do some homework with my son and I heard her say Danny and Melissa had broken up a few weeks ago.” _

_ “You didn’t know about it.” It was not a question, just a statement to redirect the conversation for a moment. _

_ “No, I didn’t. I mean, I suspected something on Valentine’s Day because Danny stayed after hours and I know he loves Valentine’s day, and he mentioned how even when she was working he’d drop by the hospital on important dates. I’ve been asking him how he was doing, but all I got were shrugs and him shooing me away saying he had work to do. Which I know was a lie because that man flies through his paperwork.” He explained. “I asked Grace about it, if she knew why they had called it quits but she’s been very evasive with me. Not that I blame her. That kid is so bright, definitely takes after her dad, and I can almost guarantee that she knows something is up.” _

_ “What makes you think so?” _

_ “As I said, she’s smart, but she was… cold, towards me. She used to hug me hello and goodbye. She didn’t even look at me when she was talking to me. And if she’s realised it? It means Danny doesn’t even have the strength to even make it seem like everything is fine in front of his daughter. It means he’s… given up.” _

_ “Oh you?” _

_ “On us, on himself, on having hope…” _

_ Lorena nodded: well, that was a lot worse than she expected. Not for the first time, she lamented not being able to go compare notes with Oscar, to see what they could do to help Danny, and the rest of the team, of course, but mostly Danny. _

_ “Have you noticed any changes aside from him and Melissa probably not being together anymore?” _

_ Lou thought, and thought hard: aside from all those bigger changes they had all seen and regretted because they were all his fault, what smaller things had danny been doing that he had never done before? _

_ Suddenly the memory flashed in his eyes: it had been a few weeks after Valentine’s and Clara had come to visit (which they had only know because they saw a picture on Grace’s Instagram) and Danny had been gone for the day, Steve offering him a couple of days to spend with his mother and , surprisingly, Danny had simply nodded and thanked his partner. It had been why they all had been surprised when he came back a few hours later he entered the palace and slammed a pen-drive on the table. _

“I think you’ll want to know about this.”  _ And he had left, without a single other word. _

_ “He… He was, well not arrested, obviously, but the FBI brought him for questioning, him and his mother. Something about his brother and the money he had stolen from Reyes. I’m not too sure on the specifics, but anyways. He didn’t wait for us to see, he didn’t explain anything. He didn’t want to be around us when we found out.” _

_ When they found that Abby was working for the brother who sent him to Colombia. To his death, basically. _

_ “And why do you think that is?” _

_ Lou shrugged. “I’m not too sure. I mean, at this point the only thing I’m sure is that we are losing him. But… Chin really likes Abby. Liked Abby. I guess Danny didn’t want to be there when Chin realised. He probably thinks Chin hates him or something now for being the bearer of bad news.” _

_ “What happened with Abby? I thought she fit in well with the team.” _

_ “She did. Until we found out that she’s working for the brother of the man that made it possible to send Danny to Colombia. And that tried to bring down Chin. Needless to say, Steve kicked her out within an hour.” Lorena nodded, writing something down. Sometimes he wondered what parts she found worth writing down. “I don’t know the full story, but Steve said they were not getting betrayed by an outsider again. Which probably played into why Danny left so quickly. Bad memories.” _

_ “Have any of you talked with Danny about his leaving so early?” _

_ He shook his head. “I know there are things they don’t talk about with me, things that happened before they knew me.” He shrugged. “I saw Chin in his office a couple of days ago. It didn’t look too bad, I guess. I know Steve tried to talk to him that same night, he said he went to his house but Danny wouldn’t come out.” _

_ He knew there was something else, but Steve hadn’t elaborated when they asked. And it had just been another painful reminder that Steve was hurting, too. The most out of the 4 of them. And that he would continue to hurt until he was able to right his wrongs with Danny. Because in their mind there was still hope. Because so long as Danny was in Hawaii, there was hope that they could make Danny believe that he really was loved and wanted. And they would do everything in their hands to gain his forgiveness. And if he had to walk on his knees to the other side of Oahi then so be it, but Lou was not going to rest until he had fixed everything he had broken.  _

_ And that was a promise to Danny and God himself. _

_ “Ok. Clearly asking him how he was doing did not bring out the results we were hoping for, so let’s start with something just as simple.” Lorena said, looking up from her notebook. “Bring him things you know he likes, malasadas, pizza… And bring a light topic of conversation up. Talk about your kids, or how you miss the weather from Chicago. Anything that is not work related.” _

_ Yeah, he could do that. They were the only ones who grew up with snow and proper hot stews, and the little he knew about Williams was that he loved to talk about his homeplace. And damn if he didn’t like to talk about his own. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is not as emotionally charged as the others, but after the last one I think everyone needs a little break.
> 
> And, just like Chin's this is closeish to the moment it reaches it's peak and they start rekindling their friendships, but it's perhaps 4-6 months later (I know the timeline for this one is all out of whack, but y'know)


	22. Therapy II: Adam II

**Adam II.**

“How are you doing?” Danny asked as he handed him a cup of coffee. 

“I’m a fucking nervous wreck.” He admitted. And he didn’t cuss often, but Danny was family, he had learnt he could let go around him. “She’s so small, Danny.” He looked at his daughter in awe. “Was Grace…?”

“Yeah. She was tiny. Charlie, too.” He smiled, remembering when he saw both of his children in the hospital cribs. “What’s worrying you?” He asked, soft, warm.

“My dad… He loved us, I know that. But he was not a hands-on father. We grew up with the service taking care of us. And after Noriko…”

He wasn’t expecting Danny to grab his chin and force him to look at him. “You are not your father. You are so far away from him that no one would ever think you are family. You’ll be an amazing father, don’t doubt me on that.”

"How do you know?" He questioned. He didn't know the first thing about babies except for what he had read, and Danny had told them that it was all bullshit. 

"Because you are great with my children. Back then, Charlie was so sickly and tired, yet you knew exactly what needed to be done to comfort him. You are a natural." He wrapped him in a hug. "And if you ever have a question, you know I'm a phone call away. And Steve is pretty good with kids, too."

Adam tightened their hug even more: he would be forever grateful to have a brother like Danny, someone who he knew could rely on no matter the situation. “We still haven’t told you the name.”

The blond rolled his eyes at him. “You didn’t even know if it was a boy or a girl until three hours ago, Adam.” He pointed out.

“True. But there was only really one name.” Danny looked up at him, one eyebrow arched. “She knows how important you are to me, there was only one name for our first kid. It’s Daniella.”

He heard the choked sounds before he saw the tears well up in Danny’s eyes. “Daniella?” He croaked.

“As I said, there was only one name possible.” He gathered him into a hug. “You’ve helped me so much, Danny. Helped _us_. And I think you don’t know exactly how much.”

“But your brother…”

“Michael stopped being my brother the second he decided to kill Kono.” He cut him off, eyes ablaze before a wave of insecurity washed over him. “Do you-Do you not want to? We haven’t filled the paperwork yet…”

“What? No, Adam! I love it. I’m honoured, but I don’t want you to think you _had_ to.”

“I know I didn’t. I wanted to. _We_ wanted to.” He cupped the back of his head. “There’s something else we’d like to ask you, but we would like to do it with Steve and the kids, too.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Where’s Steve anyways?”

Danny pointed at the bathrooms down the hall. “Charlie needed to go to the bathroom.” He explained.

“Ah, I thought he might have run away since he hated Hospitals so much.” He deadpanned, making Danny bark out a laugh.

“Lieutenant!” The head nurse snapped.

“Sorry Noe, sorry.” He apologised as he glared at the taller man. “Now you’ve got me into trouble.” Danny said.

“Sorry, Danny.” Except he didn’t sound sorry at all. “Do you think Clara will want to meet her?”

“If you think you can keep my mother away from a baby, that means you don’t know her at all. Did she or did she not send you different sized onesies for when she starts growing?”

“That she did. To be honest, that saved us from knowing what sizes we’d need to buy. She even added tips and notes.”

“And you are wondering if Ma wants to meet her?” And as if she knew, she sent both of them a text.

_I want pictures!_

“Well, there you go.” He squeezed his shoulder. “Let’s get you back with your wife, yeah? Doctor said she'll be waking up any time soon.”

_Now that Rachel was back and the kids had moved back with her, he had started to spend a lot more time with Danny, even sleeping over some nights, especially after a rough case. Danny seemed to be doing better, being a bit more open and agreeing to going to outings with the team, but only if Adam was there. He had seen him talk with Kono and Lou, but avoided being left alone with Steve and Chin. Especially Steve. He had told him that Chin had gone to him to talk about Abby, how the older man said he didn’t blame him whatsoever, but he knew Danny was still waiting for the other shoe to drop._

_And only time could prove that Chin was telling the truth._

_“Adam, is everything ok? You’ve been nervous the whole afternoon.” Danny questioned as they made dinner._

_He sighed: how could Danny think he wasn’t good at his job? The man could just glance at him and know there was something wrong._

_“I… I wanted to talk to you about something.” He started._

_Danny nodded and he knew,_ he knew _, from that just one little movement that Danny’s thoughts were slipping to somewhere dark. Maybe he said he didn’t want to come around anymore, or maybe he said he was annoying. All of those things Danny imagined all day long someone would say to him. And God, had he been waiting for something like this to happen since Adam first came, 4 months ago?_

_Unable to let him think like this, seeing the pain webbed in his eyes he wrapped him in a hug._

_“Hey. Nothing like that. I’m not going anywhere, ok?” He said, rubbing his shoulder. “If anything…” Why was he so nervous? This was Danny, for god’s sake, the man was basically his brother now. “Kono and I, we are not in a good place. We don’t talk anymore. We don’t fight either, we just… co-exist, I’d say, but we don’t interact except for goodmorning and goodnight. And it’s wearing us down, I can feel it. So I was wondering if I could stay…?”_

_“Yes.” Danny interrupted, hastily, as if he was afraid that Adam would change his mind._

_“Really?”_

_“Of course! The guest room is free.” He said before he looked away. “When the kids are not here… The house is too quiet now.” He confessed. And of course the house was quiet if the team had stopped coming around._

_They had dinner watching a match, and it was nice to see Danny yelling and grumbling at the players. Once the match finished he turned to look at Adam, a considering look on his face._

_“What are you and Kono going to do?”_

_He shook his head: he had no idea. “We’ll have to talk about it. I’m just… I’m afraid that too much of us was the thrill of being together, the son of an oyabun with a cop… a Five-0 cop. The running away. And now that we are settled and married things feel… stagnant, I guess. We don’t talk. It feels like we don’t know what to do now, how to move on. And I love her, so much, but I'm not so sure we are on the same page anymore.”_

_“But there’s more to it.” Danny said. “What is it?”_

_“It’s just… The Kono I met, the Kono I fell in love with, would have never treated you like this.” He felt him tense up at those words. “Hey, you know I’d never say that if I didn’t believe it. And I know they have fucked up in the worst way imaginable, but they do care.” He hugged him close._

_“Adam. If you and Kono are having problems because of me…”_

_He shot back, his eyes wide: he had been careless with his words and now Danny was doubting him, too. No, no doubting him. He was taking the blame for something that had nothing to do with him._

_“God, Danny. No. This is not your fault. In no way, shape or form are you to blame for our marital problems. If anything… Coming here with you has helped me see things with more perspective. I just don’t know what to do.”_

_“Do you… want some advice?” He offered, but his voice made it clear that he didn't think anyone wanted to hear his opinion anymore._

_“Yeah, of course I do." He said, hugging him close again. "I do want to be with her but just… it feels like she’s changed so much.”_

_“Have you thought about going to couple’s therapy? Rachel wanted to go but I refused, I thought we could solve our own problems. That obviously did not work. At all.” He chuckled. “If you think that moving in with me is going to help you, you can move in whenever you want. But promise you’ll talk to her.”_

_“Yeah, of course, Danny.” He hugged him, tucking his head against his strong shoulder. “Thank you.” He whispered. Because he knew that Danny had not asked him to talk to Kono before taking such a drastic step, not out of fear that he was going to be blamed for it and hated, but because he loved her so much._

_After everything she had said and done (or rather, had not said and had not done) Danny still worried about her. Still wanted her to be happy and unhurt. How could they have been so careless to hurt such a selfless man? To cast him aside like he had no value as soon as they got a new toy? Someone who cared so much about them that continued to stay around even though the simple act of having them near felt like knives being twisted inside of him?_


	23. Danny V

**Danny V.**

_ I asked the doctor to put me in a separate room. He wanted to put Steve and I together once we were out of the ICU but I don’t need to see them fawning all over Steve and leaving aside again.  _

_ I don’t need that. I know they care about him more, I don’t need that rubbed in my face again, they already did when no one came to see me, they all went to see Steve who was asleep.  _

_ I’m so stupid. _

_ I knew them being “worried” and “caring” wouldn’t last but I still let myself think that maybe, for once… I guess I never learn. It was the same with Rachel, wasn’t it? Falling for her lies over and over again.  _

_ I should probably stop being a detective all together if I can’t even see the lies in front of my face anymore. What good I am if I can’t even do the most basic thing at my job? At least this time I have a good excuse for leaving after giving Steve the liver. _

_ I wonder how many flowers and cards has he gotten by now? I’m sure it’s a lot more than the one I got from the team and the drawings from the kids and the bouquet Rachel got me. _

_ It hurts to be forgotten like this again. I knew it would happen, but it still hurts like a bitch. _

_ It’s not like I did to gain some attention, or some pats in the back with a “good job” thrown in there. Even if Steve doesn’t want me around him anymore, or he hates me because the Navy will force him out once they know he got a transplant, I still love him, I still want him alive and happy. Even if it’s from afar, knowing that I kept him alive for a while longer will be worth all the pain. _

_ Rach said she’d be bringing the kids around again once they get out of school, and Adam and Max will be coming, too.  _

_ Max was the first person who came visit me after Gracie. (At least someone remembered I had a daughter and brought her here to see me off. Maybe they thought I wouldn’t notice none of them came if I had my Monkey with me.) He brought me a stuffed horse because he thought I might miss home. _

_ He apologised for not having seen how bad I have been. Not that I can blame him, I haven’t gone down to his office in almost a year and with how mean I’ve been to him most of the time… He’s the only one I would understand if he just wanted me away because I know I have given him enough reasons over the years that would easily justify it. _

_ I wonder if someone told Steve that I was the one who gave him half a liver. I don’t think they did. Not that he would care, anyways. Knowing him he will be leaping off buildings next week not giving a shit we almost died. _

_ Kamekona called, too. He asked if I wanted anything from the truck since he would be bringing food for everyone else, but I’m pretty sure the doctor will kill me if I eat anything from the truck. _

_ But it was nice he even remembered me. _

_ The worst part is not that they didn’t come see me before the surgery, is that they  _ still  _ haven’t come. Not that I didn't know that between me and Steve he will always come first. Adam mentioned Gracie had to call him because Kono didn’t. Or anyone else.  _

_ They all know he’s staying with me. Has been for the last 6 months. But no one could be bothered to call him, and my 13 years old kid had to do it for them. I never wanted this life for her, I never wanted her to have to bear the responsibility of my own weaknesses.  _

_ Sometimes I wonder if she would have been happier if I stayed in New Jersey, then she wouldn’t see how much of a pathetic loser her father is. Charlie, too, but he’s still young, he doesn’t understand why I only have one friend. And he’s such a sweet kid, the other day he climbed into bed with me because he was worried I was feeling sad and lonely. He gave me his favourite plushie, too. _

_ Maybe he is really Stan’s kid, he’s too nice to be related to me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should apologise because this has, somehow, turned into more of a fix-it than I originally intended and I will also apologise for any tears shed in this or the following chapter. Thank you very much for your attention.


	24. Pain: Steve V

**Steve V.**

“Babe, are you here?” Danny yelled as he opened the door. “Junes? Eddie?” It was weird that their lab hadn’t been there to greet him.

“I’ll be right down!” Steve yelled. “Don’t move!”

“Jesus, ok, ok. You gonna tell me what all of this is about?” Steve had told him he was organising their Friday night date. And he had told Danny to dress nice, which in Steve-enesse that meant ‘Please wear that navy blue shirt that I love so much because it brings out your eyes’ and to change at the office, which in and of itself was not something remarkable, they constantly did that when it was their turn to organise date night.

“Just gimme a minute, baby!” Steve yelled again. “Have you talked with Gracie today? Is she ready to come back”

“Yeah, she said she was packing. I still can't believe she is transferring to U of H.” He replied, leaning against the wall since he wasn’t allowed to go anywhere else in the house, apparently.

“I know! But she really put a lot of thought into it. I think she just misses her Danno.” He replied, leaning over the baranda to smile at him. “God, you look gorgeous.” He said, taking him in: they had had a couple of very busy, very crazy weeks and he wanted Danno to relax with him.

“Yeah? So do you babe. Come down here so I can kiss you.” He did as told, and he wouldn’t say he bolted down the stairs, but he would have been telling Charlie to be careful and not run on the stairs. “Hi.” Danny said, his voice low and flirty before tugging his head down to kiss him, long and dirty.

Steve moaned, moving his arms to wrap them around his trim waist. And if it weren’t because he already had plans for them he would be taking Danny upstairs and making love to him all night. After a few more pecks Steve finally pulled away, taking Danny’s hand. “Come with me.”

“Lead the way.”

He pressed a kiss on the side of his head before he led him to the beach. 

“Babe.” Danny gasped, surprised, when he saw the table, a perfectly ironed white cloth, bunny napkins, a bottle of red wine waiting for them. “What…? It’s not Valentine’s.”

“Very sharp, Danno. Seeing we are in Septembre.” Steve chuckled, pulling his lover’s chair out, letting him sit down before he gently tilted his head back and pressed a kiss on his lips. “Happy anniversary, love.”

“Anniversary…?” He looked so adorable when he was confused like this.

“Yeah, today is 10 years since we met.” Steve explained as he sat down, taking Danny’s hand and kissing his knuckles. They were littered with small scars from years of field work, calloused from his gun, and held incredible strength. “I love you. More than anything in my life. More than I’ve ever loved anyone else and more than I will ever love anyone again.” He kissed his hand again. “Thank you for staying by my side. After everything I did to you…” 

Danny shifted the hold in their hands so  _ he _ would be holding Steve’s. “Hey. Everything is alright now, babe. We worked through it, passed it, and we are  _ here  _ now. We are where we are meant to be, ok?” This time it was he who kissed Steve’s scarred knuckles, the other man nodding, unable to say anything, his throat tight with emotion. “I love you, too, babe. As much as I love my kids.” He raised their hands and tugged, lightly. “Come here.”

Steve did as told, rounding the table and standing between Danny’s open legs, going down when Danny fisted his shirt and pulled him down to a kiss. “I love you.” He repeated, slow, purposeful. “And I know you love me, too. And that’s all I need to know.”

“Good evening gentlemen, I’ll be your server tonight.” Steve smiled when Danny heard that voice and stepped aside when his boyfriend stood up.

“Grace!?” He enveloped her in a hug, kissing her head. “How…? When…?” What was going on? How was his precious Monkey here? She was supposed to arrive next Tuesday!

“Uncle Steve flew me in yesterday.” She explained, smiling at him. “C’mon, go sit down, the food will go cold otherwise.”

“Ok, ok.” With one last kiss to his cheek she went back to the house, leaving the two men alone.

“Babe?” He questioned, turning around and walking up to his lover.

“I wanted it to be a surprise, so I call Rachel and see if she would be alright with the plan.” He shrugged. “She was. So I paid for Gracie’s plane ticket. Did you… Did you like it?”

Danny rolled his eyes. “As if you didn’t know that already. Thank you.”

“Always, baby.” He kissed him again before they both sat down again.

Danny’s smile was blinding, and Steve felt like the ring was burning in his pocket.

Tonight he was going to ask Danny to make an honest man of him.

  
  


_ “Where’s Danny?” Steve asked a few hours after waking up.  _

_ He went into shock: his head wrapping around the idea that Danny somehow managed to save him, to land the plan, even if no one was telling him how he did it. And he had had a transplant that Danny authorised as his medical proxy. He wasn’t fit for the Navy anymore. Everything he had known since he was 18 was totally in ruins now. _

_ But there was more to it. He knew it. He could feel it. Because they had been making progress. It was slow, and Danny didn’t trust him yet, he didn’t stay in the same room as him alone for more than five minutes. _

_ “Is he outside? Does he not want to see me?” He understood if he didn’t, really, but he thought… He almost died in his arms and he needed to see him, to apologise: for everything, for not having listened to him about the op being too risky, for needlessly risking their lives. _

_ The cousins shared a glance. “Steve… Danny is not… He didn’t...” _

_ Danny was dead. Danny had died when he landed the plane. Danny died thinking he hated him. Danny died thinking no one cared about him because they were useless. He felt tears running down his cheeks, but he didn’t care, and why were Chin and Kono and Lou so calm about it? Had Danno been right? Had they really not cared about him at all? Had he meant so little to them that they couldn’t even act like they were sad to keep up appearances? _

_ He felt bile rise to his throat. _

_ “Get out.” He gritted.  _

_ “What?” _

_ “Get out! Get out! I don’t want to see you!” _

_ “Steve?” Kono raised his hands to placate him, how dared she? _

_ “He’s dead and you are acting like everything is fine. Was he right? Do you hate him this much that you can’t even fake being sad?” He yelled, his words bleeding poison. “Danny died thinking we hated him and it seems he was right!” _

_ “What? Steve, Danny is not dead!” Chin yelled, grabbing his hands, still him. “What are you even talking about?” He let go of one of his hands to check his temperature. “You don’t have a fever.” _

_ “But you said… You said he’s not here… Did he leave? Is he back to New Jersey?” _

_ “No. No. Danny is...” Kono sat down again next to him. “We need to talk about your transplant.” _

_ It had taken a few rounds of arguing with the head nurse, but she had seen him around enough to know that he would actually drag himself to Danny’s room if they didn’t bring him there. But now that he was here he had no idea what to do. What to say.  _

_ Danno had risked his life twice in one day for him. He refused to land the plane on the water because he knew he couldn’t save Steve. And then gave him half of his liver. _

_ After everything… After all the pain he had caused him, after making him doubt his abilities as a detective and as a partner Danno was still ready to die for him. _

_ He pushed the door open, rolling inside and coming to a halt when Danny turned to look at him, his blue eyes stripped from their usual brightness.  _

_ He hadn’t even opened his mouth that Danny was already talking. “Leave. Go back. I don’t want your misplaced guilt.” He said, turning around to stare at the window. _

_ “What?” He couldn’t leave, not until he apologised for everything, so he rolled inside, stopping next to the bed. “Danno, wait…” _

_ “Don’t call me that!” He screamed at him, hand clutching the sheets, his eyes brimming with tears. “You don’t get to call me that anymore.” He whispered. “You can’t, you can’t, you can’t.” _

_ Steve felt fear grip at his heart: this was the first time he witnessed Danny like this and there was no one around he could call, so he tried to reach for the button. But he couldn’t get it, and he wasn’t strong enough to stand up and get it. Not without risking on pulling his stitches and then Danny’s sacrifice would have been for nothing. _

_ So he did the next best thing: he grabbed Danny’s arm and squeezed. _

_ “Danny. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I won’t do it anymore, I’m sorry.” He apologised. “I’m sorry, please forgive me. I’m sorry.”  _

_ The blond didn’t say anything, he was just shaking. “You can’t call me that anymore. You don’t want me to be your Danno anymore. You can’t call me that.” He said and although he was looking at him, Steve knew Danny wasn’t  _ seeing _ him. He looked so lost, so broken. “You don’t want me around anymore.” _

_ And he knew he had to fight for him, to bring his partner back. And he would, until his dying day if needed. _

_“Danny… I’m so sorry I made you ever believe that. Of course I want you around me. There’s no one else I want by my side.” Danny shook his head. “I know… I know I’ve been a shit friend. And an even worse partner. Because I didn’t realise how much we were hurting you. How much_ **I** _was hurting you until it was too late and I didn't know how to make it better, I still don't, but I should have gotten on my knees and begged for another chance to prove you that you mean the world to me and that you did not make the wrong choice when you stayed to help me prove my innocence.  
_ _< <And I’ll never forgive myself for that. But please, _please _, believe me when I say I love you. That I love you and Gracie and I miss you so much.” Danny shook his head again, with more energy this time. “I don’t have an excuse for not realising you and Grace stopped coming, Danny. I don’t. Nor do I have one for not asking about that week you needed. But the thing I’ll never forgive myself for is making you think you had to go to Colombia alone because we,_ I _wouldn’t have your back. Or that I wouldn’t make everything in my power to get you out of there.” He squeezed his arm again. “I’m sorry, Danny. I never meant to hurt you. That’s the last thing I ever wanted. I hope one day you can forgive me. Us.”_

_ Danny only shrugged. “Can you please… go? I’d like to be alone.” His voice was still void of any emotion that wasn't heart wrenching sadness and pain. _

_ Steve felt his eyes burn with tears as he nodded before leaving. He wheeled himself back to his room, stopping short when Adam and him crossed paths. _

_ “Steve, you ok?” Adam asked him, gently. And he only felt like crying even more, because he didn't deserve his kindness, either. How could Adam even look at him? "C’mon, I’ll get you back to your room.” He didn't wait for an answer, he just got behind him ans started pushing. _

_ “It’s fine… You should go with Danny I… I messed up. Again.” He rubbed his cheeks, trying to dry them without much success. _

_ Adam sighed. “C’mon, it’s only a couple of minutes. 556, right?” Steve nodded. They stayed silent for a few minutes before Adam spoke again “I’m gonna be honest Steve, how the hell did you let it get to this point? Because I don’t know if you can come back from it.” He wasn’t trying to be mean, but Steve needed to know exactly what the situation was like. _

_ “I don’t know. I don’t have any excuse for it. I just took him for granted and didn’t give him enough of my attention. I know I don’t have a right to even ask for it, but I want to prove to him that I really do love him. That him and Grace have always been the most important people in my life.” _

_ “Give him time, Steve. And if you are sincere, I’m sure he’ll be able to see it. It won't be easy, but if you actually do put some effort in, I'm sure it'll all work out. And don't misunderstand, between you and him? Danny always comes first, but if you really do try, I'll help you where I can. I won't carry you, but I'll help you if you really are honest with him.” He opened the door and Steve nodded: he knew he couldn’t just go to Danny and say he loved him every time he saw him, it didn’t work like that. He needed to  _ show _ him that he did.  _

_ And he was so happy that Adam was with Danny, because their love for each other was obvious, and Danny deserved someone having his back like this. A 100%, with no conditions, unbarred, someone who was not afraid to lay the truth bare before his eyes and call him out on his behaviour. _

_ A selfish part of him wished Adam had been there sooner. _

_ “Thank you, Adam.”  _

_ “Of course.” And with that, he left, not even saying hi to his wife. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This set was going to initially be named "Misunderstandings" but I think the new one is much more appropriate. And a very good warning of what's ahead.
> 
> I hope you guys liked it!


	25. Pain: Chin Ho V

**Chin Ho V.**

“Danny? Steve?” Chin yelled into the house when he stepped inside.

“Kitchen!”

“Are Steve’s Navy buddies coming by?” He asked when he saw the amount of food on the counter.

“Worse. Teenagers.” He chuckled. “So, what’s up?” He left whatever he had on the stove simmering away and got them a beer. “Wait a second, Steve, leave that piece of junk for a minute and come here!” He yelled and Chin couldn’t help but chuckle at the domesticity those two had.

“Don’t call her that!” Steve yelled back as he emerged from the garage, white T-shirt and old jeans stained with grease and he had a smudge on his face.

He didn’t miss the way Danny gave his husband a glance over, and it was almost amazing that they didn’t seem to get over the honeymoon phase. And they had been married for five years already.

“It is what it is, babe.” He shot back, handing him a beer too before pointing at the chair, a very clear message that Steve was not going anywhere.

“So, what’s up Chin?” Danny asked as he sat down next to Steve.

He scratched the back of his head. “I wanted to ask if you could talk with Sara. She came to me the other day and she thinks she might be bisexual? But she’s very confused and even if I read the books and watch videos I still won’t _know,_ you know?” He groaned. “I know I’m not making much sense.”

Danny reached over, patting him in the arm. “Chin, we understand. And really, the fact that you came to us for help means everything, ok? Do you know how many parents don’t give a shit?”

“Way too many.” Steve growled, glaring at his beer. “Tell Sara that…” He sighed when his phone went off. “Be right back.” He kissed Danny on the head, muttering something that Chin guessed was an apology judging by how Danny shooed him away.

And Danny was glowing, really. 

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“‘Course, you know that.”

Chin nodded. “How did you know?”

“That I was pan? I noticed it first in High School but…” He shrugged, sighing. “I was short, I was loud and I had a temper, that was more than enough on my plate. And I don’t know how it was here back then, but in New Jersey? Not so fun. I didn’t even have a word for how I felt. And of course I never talked about it with my parents. Hell, I only told them because of Steve. So I mostly ignored it until I got to college.”

“College?”

“I was staying in the dorms and my roommate was very, _very_ , good looking and also very much not straight.” He craned his neck to watch his husband. “Guess I have a type.”

“TMI Danny, TMI.” Chin replied, shaking his head. “How did... your parents react when you told them about Steve?”

“Well, Mum was delighted, claiming she now had him as a son and I don’t think dad really accepts it, but he knows better than to say anything so we kind of just ignore it. And when we go there he treats Steve as if he were a friend.”

Chin reached over, wrapping a hand around Danny’s. “I’m sorry.”

He shrugged. “It’s ok.”

He frowned, getting up and sitting next to him. “It’s not, Danny. You should not just resign yourself to it. It’s ok to be hurt, and disappointed.” He gathered him into a hug. “Does Steve know?” 

“We haven’t _told_ him but I’m sure he can sense it. Dad has never said anything about us sleeping together in the same room, but he always gets that look on his face when we kiss. And even Charlie noticed it so it’s almost impossible he hasn’t seen it. But since we only see him like once a year since he can’t fly, so well, it’s fairly easy to forget. And really, it’s not worth the trouble.” He shrugged. 

And Chin looked at him, hard and long, but Danny truly seemed okay with it, like he didn't even care to be even slightly bothered by it, but he guessed that out if sight, out if mind.

And most importantly, he seemed to understand that it was not his fault, that the blame rested solely on hi father's shoulders.

“Okay. But if you ever want to talk, you know where I’m at.” He said.

“In my corner?”

“Always in your corner.”

_“You couldn’t even call Adam!?” Steve yelled at them, his face red and his eyes so angry none of them could recall ever seeing like him. “His_ daughter _had to call him!”_

_And god, they had no excuse, none at all. Why had no one called Adam? Everyone knew that he was living with him, he was the sole reason as to why Danny had even been coming to team dinners. He understood why Kono hadn’t, with their marriage being rocky at the moment, but what excuse did he and Lou have?_

_None. Absolutely none, except that they were being self-absorbed assholes again._

_“Not to mention that none of you have gone to see him yet. What the hell, guys? What the actual hell is going through your brains? Do you have any? Or do you only have air up there?”_

_“Hey!” Lou exclaimed._

_“Don’t hey me!” He roared. “How would you feel if no one had called your family after giving up half your organ? Whatever progress we had made, as little as it was? That’s just gone again! We are back to square one.”_

_“Steve… We are so…”_

_“It’s not me who you should be apologising to. Get out, I want to sleep.” He said, slowly laying down again and turning his face towards the window, clearly dismissing them, in case his words weren’t enough._

_Chin sat down on the waiting area, folded over himself, grabbing his head, tears sploshing on the floor. They had done it again. They had put Steve above everything else and again, forgotten about Danny. This wasn’t them being careless, it was just… negligence, at this point._

_No wonder Danny thought they hated him if they couldn’t even face him when he was bed-ridden._

_Because they had just proven to him that he had been right._

_He had gone to see him before the surgery, to try to talk him out of it, because even if he had downplayed his injuries, he knew that his ribs were fucked up. But all he had gotten was the most empty eyes he had ever seen staring right back at him._

_“If it’s not too much trouble, can someone go pick up Grace?”_

_“Kono is on her way back with her already.” He explained. “Hey Danny, you don’t have…”_

_“What do you care, Chin? Just go with Steve. You don’t have to be here.”_

_“Danny…”_

_“I just want some peace and quiet. Please.”_

_And he had left._

He. Had. Left.

_He had left and he still hadn’t gone back because he had no idea of how to tackle it. And instead of swallowing his pride and asking Adam for help like a goddamn adult, he had hid away. And all he did was hurt the man that had had his back since day one. Again._

_Well, that ended now. For good or for worse, he needed to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness._

* * *

_He knocked on the open door. Danny was alone, Adam having gone to pick Grace downstairs. “Can I come in?”_

_“Will you leave if I say no?”_

_His heart squeezed painfully at the resignation in Danny’s voice. “Yeah. If you tell me to get lost, I will.” He didn’t step into the room, he waited until whatever Danny decided he should do with him._

_“If you are going to stand there and be on everyone’s way, just get in.” Danny said, his voice and his eyes completely flat, like there was nothing behind them anymore. “If you are here because Steve yelled at all of you loud enough that the whole floor heard him, you can just leave.”_

_“That’s not why I’m here, Danny.” He half closed the door, to give them both some sense of privacy. “I_ am _here to apologise, but it has nothing to do with Steve yelling at us.” He approached the bed, but stayed a good 3 feet away, to give Danny some distance, to not corner him in. “I’m sorry I haven’t come to visit yet. I have no excuse for it, other than being too self absorbed in my sh…”_

_“Look,” Danny cut him off, not looking at him. “you don’t have to apologise or put up with me or anything. I get it, ok? You’ve known him for longer, you are his best friend, he’s your best friend. It’s normal that you’d want to spend more time with him after the surgery, he almost died. I didn’t.”_

_“Yes, you did!” He exclaimed, his booming voice startling the younger man. “Fuck Danny. Yes you did almost die. You crash-landed a plane so he would have a chance of survival, you went after the guys who did that to him and then gave him his liver. You could have died in that crash, you could have punctured a lung during the raid, you could have died on the operating table!”_

_When Danny turned to look at him, his eyes were a storm of battling emotions unleashing right before him._

_“Then what do I actually have to do for you to care about me? Die? Fall in a coma? Be a cripple? What? Just tell me!” He was clenching his gown, tears streaming down his face. “I’ve done everything I could think of! I’ve tried to be less annoying, keep to myself, do all of your paperwork, only talk when asked, stay in my office so I’m not in your way all the time, be better at my job yet…” He sobbed. “Yet nothing I’ve done has made you even look at me twice. So just let me go! Tell me you want me gone, or dead, and I’ll go! You won’t ever have to see me again! But don't make me think you care about me to only throw me away after a few weeks! I have feelings, too! And it fucking hurts! So just tell me to go and I'll go."_

_He couldn’t breathe: Danny thought they wanted him dead? That they would only care for him if he was a… a… charity case, unable to fend for himself? That they wanted him to suffer that much only so they could feel well with themselves when they went to visit him?_

_And they had made him believe that. For years, they had made him feel less than (less important than Steve, less loved than everyone else, less capable than the newest person to come in), and now, they had just sealed in his mind that they only wanted him around when he was useful to them, when he was ready to sacrifice himself for Steve._

_He felt his chest tighten and his vision grey._

_He didn’t feel the cold, hard ground hit him in the shoulder and his head._

_He didn’t hear Danny yell for a nurse, his voice filled with panic and pain._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I will half apologise if I made anyone cry.


	26. Pain: Kono V

**Kono V**

“I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit, Boss.” She said, her eyes trained on the table by the corner.

“And you think I do?” Steve replied, taking a long swig of his beer.

“Don’t complain, Renee has twenty-five years of embarrassing moments on me, Danny and Adam don’t even have a decade on you.” Lou groaned.

They had all gone out together for drinks, but because of some weird planet alignment Renee, Adam and Danny ended up alone at their table while Steve went to get more drinks, Lou went to the bathroom and Kono had gone to their car to fetch her phone.

And they truly did not want to step onto that, not with the way Danny was grinning and side glancing at them, his smile sharp and making Steve fidget next to her.

She chuckled. It was always amusing to see him like that: all Danny needed to do was look at him a certain way and Steve would be the most well-behaved person in the world. She did not want to know what the consequences of him misbehaving were. Or what the reward was for doing as told.

“Say, Boss, where are you two planning to go for your honeymoon?”

“Yeah, Danny said he didn’t trust not to tell you. Are you going to Jersey?”

Steve shook his head, chuckling. “He’s planning the second week, I’m planning the first one. I’m taking him to Italy, he’s always said he wanted to visit his grandparents’ town. And I swear that if you tell him, I’m cutting off your pay for a month.”

“Noted.” She replied as she turned to the table, seeing Adam stand up and go to the bathroom. “Well, looks like the party over there is done, you coming boys?”

“I’m going to stay here for a while. Lord knows what Danny’s told them.”

“And apparently I will be hitting the road.” He pointed at Renee, who was gathering their stuff. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He patted them both on the shoulder as he started heading towards the door.

Kono smiled when she sat down next to Danny, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

“So, gotten a lot of embarrassing stories?” She asked, pulling a laugh out of him. And it was so good to see him like this again. Sure, it had been years ago, but the fear that had gripped her heart when she thought she had lost him for good was always there, waiting for the chance to come back out full force.

“Something about a pot of milk getting absolutely burnt?” He teased as he pushed his beer away from her grabby hands.

“C’mon Danny! I haven’t had a beer in ages!”

“Yeah, that would be because you are pregnant. And Adam will kill me if I let you, so…” He grinned evilly. “I promise I’ll buy you a whole case just for you once the baby is born.”

“You better.” She replied, lips pursed. “So… I know where Steve is taking you to…” She singsonged.

“You do, huh? Well, I’m still not telling you.” He shook his head. “How are you feeling, huh?” He set a gentle hand on her belly, stroking softly.

“Like I’m a whale about to explode.” She groaned. “Hey Danny.”

“Hm?”

“Do you think you could teach me?”

“Teach you what, babe?”

She scratched her cheek, giving him a sheepish smile. “Be a good parent? You are the best dad I’ve ever met and your kids love you to the moon and back. I also want that.”

“You’ll be a great mum, Kono.” He replied, taking her hand in his. 

“Will I? I’m just afraid that… that I won’t see things and…”

Danny turned her head towards him, eyes serious. “Hey, we are fine, ok? And you’ll be a great mum because you won’t be making the same mistakes. You just need to remember that you will mess up, it’s inevitable, we all have, but that things get better if you put effort in it.” 

She hugged him the best she could, her belly on the way. “Love you.”

“Love you too, rookie. It’s good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back.” She replied, setting her forehead on his shoulder.

_ She was coming back from a long walk around the Hospital grounds. _

_ “You are an idiot, Kono Kalakaua, you knew Danny was all alone, why didn’t you visit him? Because Adam was there? You should have put your own feelings aside for once and be there for him. For  _ them _.” She muttered to herself, her nails digging into her palms. She should have been there for Danny. For the kids. For Adam. _

_ Before he moved out, he had said that she was so wrapped around her own head that she wasn’t seeing any of the things happening around her, starting from how Danny had been disappearing from his lives for months to how their married life was as good as gone. That they both needed to think what they wanted to do. He had been living with Danny for seven months, they were basically brothers now and she hadn’t had the courage to take her phone and call him. _

_ Once again she prioritised her own feelings. _

_ And Danny ended up being the one hurt again. _

_ “NURSE!” Danny. What had happened? She ignored the nurses glaring at her and broke into a run to get to Danny. What had happened? Was he alright? His voice sounded like pure agony. He skidded to a stop at the same time as three nurses hurried inside and one went to try to calm Danny but with no avail and the other two of them got around… Chin?  _

_ Except for the fact that he was on the floor, unconscious, he seemed alright, as in that there was no blood pooling around him. _

_ “Danny!” She sidestepped her cousin and the two nurses and went to the blond, catching his flailing hands, stilling him. “Hey, hey. Danny, calm down.” She sat down on the bed, hip against hip. “Calm down, big breaths.” _

_ “N-no. No. It’s m-my fault.” He said, pulling away from her,or trying to, because it was obvious that whatever had happened with Chin had drained his already weak energy even more. “G-go with him. He needs yo-ou mo-more. He’s your o-o-ohana.” _

_ Kono’s heart broke at the implication: Danny truly believed he wasn’t part of their ohana anymore. They had made him believe that. Well, not anymore. She hugged him again, loosely, knowing that his claustrophobia spiked up when he was nervous or anxious. _

_ “So are you, Danny.” She muttered. “So are you.” _

_ She waited until his breathing calmed down, running her hands all over the expanse of his back, noticing how much weight he had really lost. And all of a sudden he collapsed in her arms, openly crying, heart wrenching sobs working their way out of his body, making him shudder every time. _

_ She didn’t know how long they stayed there, and she didn’t care. Danny needed her there, he needed a shoulder to cry on. He needed someone who wasn’t Adam to be there for him for once, to prove to him that he really meant the world to them. _

_ She didn’t even know when the nurse had left their side. _

_ After a while he pulled away, avoiding her eyes. “You should go check on Chin, he’ll need you there. I’m alright.” _

_ “You are not.” She replied, wrapping a hand around the back of his head. “And I’m so sorry that we… that  _ I _ made you feel like you couldn’t come to me. But Danny? It ends now. I promise you that I’ll be there for you no matter what. Whatever you need, I’ll be there. I swear it on my badge.” _

_ “Kono… It’s fine. I know it’s my fault. I should be better. I only drag the team down. And I understand, but you know, if… if y’all wanted me gone you could have told me instead of pushing me away. I know Steve is more important, but I have feelings too. And it hurts a lot to see no one cares about me.” _

_ “Danny, we do!” She exclaimed, taking his hands again. “You haven’t done anything wrong. You are the best detective in the team. You don’t drag us down. You never have, you never will. If anything, we drag you down.” He chuckled, dry and humourless, obviously not believing her. But why would he do so when he was so sure he meant nothing to them? Those were just empty words for him. She felt tears running down her cheeks. “Danny, you’ve given everything to the Task Force, you could easily be a Captain now if you had stayed in HPD. We just… We didn’t  _ see _ it. We took you for granted because you’ve always been there for us, and when you needed us we weren’t there for you, because we were so centered on ourselves that we forgot that you need someone to lean on, too.” _

_ <<And we don’t want you gone. And Steve is not more important than you, even if we know we did a shit job, all these years we've been together, right now we have fucked up again, but that’s only because we know how he is, that he won’t take care of himself, and you always have, we’ve never had to worry about you skipping doctor’s orders. And I know it seems we are only coming because Steve yelled at us, and you are in your right to not trust us, we haven’t given you any reason to do so, but as I said, I’m not going anywhere. Not unless you tell me to get lost.” _

_ He shook his head and she was relieved when he gripped her shirt a little bit tighter. _

_ “Why did no one call Adam? I understand it would be hard for you but why didn’t Chin or Lou?” _

_ She sighed, kissing his head. “I don’t know, I’m afraid you’ll have to ask them. And even so, I too should have called him when I realised they didn’t, but I didn’t dare pick up my phone and do it. I have no idea what I’m doing, what we are doing.” _

_ “I’m sorry. I was the one who offered him to stay for as long as he wanted, I should have pushed him to talk to you more but I…” _

_ “Danny, no. In no way, shape or form is this your fault. This is our problem, I’ve been too much in my head all this time he’s been away, and I haven’t been able to go call him once. If anything, knowing that he is safe, with you, has given me peace of mind, just the thought that maybe the yakuza was after him again…” She shook her head. “I have a lot of things I need to work on. Starting with you and Adam. And I promise I will make the biggest effort someone has ever made to prove to you both that I love you. Slightly differently, but love you nonetheless.” Gently, he pushed him to lie down again, slipping out the bed. “You need to rest some more. I’ll go get a nurse for you and check on Steve. I can only imagine he’s heard everything and is driving the nurses crazy and I’ll get a status.” That seemed to tug a small smile on his lips, but it was probably just wishful thinking on her part. “Sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.” She pressed a kiss on his forehead, his eyes already dropping. “I love you.” _

_ “Kono! What happened? The nurses won’t tell me anything!” Steve asked as soon as she set foot in his room. “Is Danny alright?” _

_ “Hey, hey, calm down. Danny’s fine.” She sat down on the chair next to the bed. “Chin went to his room and something happened because I suddenly heard Danny yelling for a nurse and when I got there Chin had passed out on the floor. I don’t know exactly, but apparently Danny was yelling at him and… You know Chin has not been dealing with this, right?” Steve nodded: out of the four of us, Chin had been the one who took it the hardest. “I don’t know what Danny said to him, but according to the nurses it shocked him so much he lost consciousness. He’s alright, but he’ll have one killer headache when he wakes up.” She explained. “I… talked with Danny.” _

_ “You did?” _

_ “Yeah. He tried to apologise for Adam and I having problems. He thinks it’s his fault.” She whispered. “But I told him it wasn’t his fault, that knowing that Adam is safe with him has helped me. I swore on my badge that I will do whatever it’s necessary to make him see that he is loved. I promised I’d be there when he woke up.” _

_ Steve nodded, staring at the ceiling. “Can you do me a favour?” _

_ “Yeah, of course.” _

_ “Can I dictate you a letter for him? I can’t write.” _

_ “You got it.” _

_ And as Steve spoke, she felt new tears running down her face. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one isn't as intense as last one (I doubt any other will be, tbh), but I imagine the outburst and the yelling plus all the intense feelings would have left Danny completely drained, so he wouldn't put up a fight with Kono.


	27. Pain: Lou V

**Lou V**

“You look like you are about to hurl.” He pointed out, sitting down on the sofa. “You’ve already done this once, why the nerves?”

“Yeah I’ve done this once, and look how that turned out: divorced, one child, five-thousand miles away from my place. Then I knocked up my ex-wife, didn’t know I had a son until 3 years later. What am I supposed to do when I screw up again? Pack up again and go back to Jersey? Leave the kids here with Rachel? Take them with me?”

Lou frowned, grabbing the blond by the shoulders. “Danny, you won’t screw up.”

“Again, I have visible proof that I usck at being a husband. Ask Rachel.”

“And I have visible proof that Steve is not Rachel.” Danny rolled his eyes at him. “Listen to me, okay? What you two have is so much stronger than what you and Rachel had. You weren’t friends with Rachel when you started dating, right?” He shook his head. “So you didn’t have a solid foundation with her. You do with Steve. Danny, you’ve been together for three years now, known each other for over a decade. You know Steve better than he knows himself. And the same is true for him. And more importantly, Steve won’t ever ask you to give up your job. He understands it.”

“But…”

“After everything you’ve been through, do you really think Steve would divorce you? Danny, that man loves you to the moon and back. You should have seen how excited he was when you said yes.” He grinned. “The only time I had seen him like that was when you moved in with him. So believe me when I say there are very little things he would never forgive you for.”

“And what happens if I do?”

“Well, for starters I don’t think you would ever cheat on him or lie about his mother, but if that ever happened? Talk about it, man. You two have gotten so much better when it comes to talking to each other. To _understanding_ each other.”

Not that he needed to ask why after their whole… debacle, as they had taken to naming it, they all had been much better at talking to each other, at not assuming. But Steve had definitely been the one who had changed the most: He constantly checked up on Danny, asking if everything was alright. And Danny would say it when something was bothering him, especially if it was something they said or did, some other times it was about his family or the kids.

He clasped him on the shoulder. “C’mon, relax. You’ll be fine, Danny. You two are perfect for each other, you know and understand each other on a level no one can hope to match, you would do whatever it took to make sure the other is sound and safe. You _have_ done that.” He reminded him, quietly. “And you trust each other more than anyone I’ve ever seen.”

Lou stood up, smiling at the younger man. “How many times did you fall on the ice while you were skating?”

“What? A few. What does this have to do with marrying Steve?”

“Right. A few. But you still got back up, you still tried again. Just because it didn’t work tht time with Rachel it doesn’t mean it’s not going to work with Steve, ok?” Danny didn’t reply, but he didn’t look like he was going to throw up and run anymore. “Okay?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now, I need to get going before my wife starts pulling my ear, but listen to me, you’ll be okay. You both will.”

Danny gave him a soft smile before he stood up too, hugging him and fixing his tux: he couldn't let him be messy on his own wedding.

“Thank you, Lou.”

“Of course.” He squeezed his arm right back before he let him go to go to his wife and kids. “And you know you can talk to me whenever you need, ok?” Danny nodded. 

He found Renee waiting for him at the entrance of the venue, her arms crossed and half-glaring at him.

_“You have what?” Renee yelled, pacing in front of him and looking like she could kill him. “How Louis? How have you not gone to visit Danny yet? After everything he’s done? Unbelievable!” She stopped right in front of him when he didn’t reply. “Well?”_

_“I don’t know.”_

_“You don’t know?” She screamed. “You know what? I can’t even look at you right now. So I’m gonna go see Danny and make sure he is okay, and you better start preparing the best damn apology you’ve ever thought of.” She turned around and started to climb the stairs to go inside the hospital. “Oh, and Louis, I think it goes without saying, but you better be spending the night here.”_

_“I know.”_

_“Good.”_

_When he finally made it to Danny’s room, he stopped at the threshold, taking the image in front of him: he looked so small in that bed, the oxygen cannula, the beeping machines around him. He seemed to be peacefully sleeping, perhaps a bit too peacefully, so he imagined the nurses had given him something to knock him out for the night._

_Adam and Kono were talking quietly in a corner. Kono looked close to tears, and he could only imagine that whatever Adam was saying was very close to what Renee had said to him._

_“Lou!” Kono exclaimed when she spotted him, her voice still shushed and her eyes red._

_“Hey.” He greeted, finally walking into the room, his feet bringing him by Danny’s side, his hand brushing a lock of blond hair falling on Danny’s face back, trying to style it in his usual manner._

_“If you are here because Steve and Renee…” Adam started, suddenly in front of him and half-blocking Danny from his touch and line of sight._

_“I’m not! I’m not.” He exclaimed, but keeping his voice shushed so not to wake Danny. “I know I messed up. Really bad. I should have been there, and I wasn’t.”_

_Adam stared at him, one perfect eyebrow arched in a disbelieving stare._

_“Then why would you let him think that…” He said, his voice rising in volume with each word. Enough that Danny groaned at the, peeing their eyes open._

_“What’s going on now? Wasn’t the whispering enough?” He said, glaring at the three of them, his eyes zeroing on the older ma before he sighed. He was exhausted, and that was easy to see. “You know what, let’s get this over with. Adam, Kono, go outside.”_

_“Danny…” Adam started._

_“Outside. I’ll send you home otherwise.” He replied and Adam sighed, already knowing it was a lost battle and bent to kiss his head._

_“Fine, but holler if you need help, ok?”_

_“Of course.”_

_“I know you are here because Renee and Steve told you and I’m sick of hearing the same spiel today. So you are forgiven, yadda yadda yadda, good night, go back to Steve, or to Chin, I don't care, leave the door open for the nurses.” He waved him away, as if that would actually make him leave._

_And the worst part was that two days ago he would have left with not even a second thought. So he grabbed the armchair and dragged it next to the bed, plopping down._

_“No. Danny, I’m not going anywhere. Not until I can properly apologise. But you need to sleep, so I’ll stay here and we can talk tomorrow morning.”_

_“You’ll get a neck crick.”_

_“Then I’ll get a neck crick.”_

_Danny stared at him for a few seconds before he sighed. “You don’t have to stay, Adam is here. You and Kono should go home.”_

_“No. I’ve left you alone one too many times. And there really is no excuse as to why I did. The second I heard about Colombia I should have been there with you. And I wasn’t, because I thought someone else was checking up on you and even then, I should have. I should have knocked on your door over and over again until you told me to get lost and you were fine.”_

_“But you didn’t. None of you did.” Danny mumbled, clear eyes staring into dark ones before he turned his head and stared at the sheets covering him instead. “You left me behind, like a dog that gets left on the side of the road and stays, waiting because it doesn’t know what it did wrong._ I _still don’t know what I made to make you all just hate me.”_

_Lou grabbed his arm, squeezing gently. “Danny, no! We don’t hate you! Where did that come from?” The shorter man shrugged looking away. “Hey, no. Tell me.”_

_“You made it very clear that you don’t care about me, that Steve is more important. I just wished you would have told me what it was that I did wrong instead of pulling and pushing me. It hurts.”_

_“That’s because_ you _haven’t done anything wrong, Danny. We are the ones who fucked up, we are the one in the wrong.” He rubbed his head. “You’ve always been there for us, ever since the first moment. You were the one who put me back together when Samantha was taken and I’ve never repaid you for that. All I’ve done is let you down in the worst way possible. And it’s not that we care more about Steve, he’s just… We know you are the responsible one, the one who will follow the doctor’s orders and will, usually, let himself be checked over for injuries. You know he doesn’t, he’s like a toddler, running around non-stop.”_

_“Yeah. But it still hurts! I know I bring the team down, that I’m the weak link, but I thought that maybe you’d be happy I saved Steve to at least come say hi. But none of you did. You didn’t even remember to call Adam. He’s my only family here and you couldn’t even call him.” Lou could hear the pain and desolation and exhaustion in his voice at the same time he felt a lump form on his throat._

_“And there will never be enough words that will express how much I regret ever letting you think that you are weaker than us, or that you bring us down. Danny, my knees are fine and I can’t run. You have a fucked up knee, even more fucked up lungs and you can chase after perps and jump over fences.” He squeezed his arm again. “As for Adam, I couldn’t tell you why we didn’t call him. We were a nervous wreck while we were waiting for you to come out, we didn’t know anything except that you punctured an intestine during the raid and once you came out we just… forgot.” And that was the real truth wasn’t it? They had forgotten about Danny, again, because they had all flocked to Steve, all except Gracie, who had to call Adam herself to make sure her dad had someone by his side too._

_And the worst part was not that she had been the one to call Adam, no, the worst part was that she knew they didn’t and she felt like she could ask them to do it, because it was not only Danny who felt he wasn’t part of the ohana anymore, it was also Grace._

_No wonder she hadn’t even been looking at him when she came to their place to do homework with Will, she probably hated him, and she’d be right to do so._

_“You’ve brought up a good kid, Danny.” He said, and it was a non-sequitur, but it was the honest truth. “She’s amazing and I wish I could even be half the dad you are.”_

_“W-what?”_

_“I don’t think I would have been able to do what you did. Leave everything behind and move to a new place where you knew no one but you ex-wife. It’s a different thing to move as a family.” He explained. “I can’t even imagine what it must have been like in HPD for you when you arrived. I know how anti haoles they are. And I hate to imagine that you’ve felt the same way with us when we are supposed to be ohana. Family is everything for you, and we have failed big time. I just hope that you can believe us when we say we are here for you, where we always should have been, and that we are not going anywhere unless you tell us too.”_

_Danny never said anything, he simply nodded and closed his eyes, his breathing evening out._

_It was then that he spotted the envelope on the nightstand._

_“You can go home, I’ll be staying the night.” Lou said when Kono and Adam came back in._

_“No. I should have been here before and I wasn’t. I’m staying too.” She said, sitting down on the other arm chair._

_“I’m not going anywhere.” Adam bit out, taking the sofa and laying down and covering himself with a blanket. “That’s my brother right there, I’m not leaving him alone.”_ With you two _, went unsaid, but it was understood._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't been updating as much! I'm working on a couple of new things and to top it off the boredom of not having to go to work is getting to be and sucking my energy. I hate being away from work for that long.


	28. Pain: Adam III

**Adam III**

“Hey Adam, can I talk to you for a minute? I need your help with something.” Danny called out from when he was helping Charlie and Grace set up the Christmas tree. Steve was at the airport to pick Mary and Joan and they would be coming straight over after. Kono and everyone else would be dropping by in a couple of hours for Christmas’ dinner.

“Yeah, of course.” He left Charlie on the floor and went to the lanai with the older blond. “What’s up?” He took the offered beer, smiling.

“So, Steve and I. We are getting married.” He started.

Adam snorted: as if that were news. “Yes Danny, I know.”

Danny kicked him on the shin, glaring at him. “Yes, I know you know. You knew the second I said yes thanks to Gracie. But you see, I have a slight problem.”

Adam straightened his back, suddenly on alert. What was it? Was his dad giving him trouble? Was he having second thoughts? Was it the venue? The food?  _ Rachel? _

“What’s wrong? What can I do?” He questioned, feeling anxiety rise in him: Danny deserved to be happy. To be happy with Steve.

“Nothing like that, babe. But you see, brides have a maid of honour, grooms have a best man, right?” Adam nodded, arching an eyebrow to see where Danny was heading with this. The man had been married before, he knew all of that. “And now I find myself 3 weeks away from my wedding and with no best man...”

“Wait, what!?” He exclaimed, standing straight again. Wanting answers. Needing answers. “Did Chin say no? Eric?” 

“Chin? Adam, no. That’s not where this is going you putz. This is the part where I ask  _ you  _ to be my best man.” Danny chuckled, amazed at how…  **dumb** his brother could be sometimes.

“But I thought… I thought you’d ask them.” He replied, his brain struggling to understand what Danny wanted him by his head on one of the most important days of his life. He knew they said they were brothers, but Eric was his blood, and Chin one of his closest friends.

Danny shrugged, before he tugged him into a hug. “I love Eric, but he’d try to get me drunk the night before. And really, Adam? Between you and Chin, you thought I’d ask Chin? After everything you’ve done for me? C’mon babe, you know how much you mean to me.” He looked up at him, arching an eyebrow, and Adam couldn’t do anything when suddenly his eyes were brimming with tears and everything got blurry: Danny really wanted him to be his best man. 

Not someone else. 

Him.

“So? What do you say babe? Will you be my best man?”

“Yeah.” He croaked, nodding, hiding his face on Danny’s shoulder. “Yes, of course.” Was there ever any doubt? “I’ll be honoured to.”

Danny nodded against him, his arms squeezing him for a few seconds before releasing him. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” He whispered, almost reverently, as if Adam had promised him the moon and the Sun and whatever other celestial body one could think off.

“Whatever you need. Or want. You know that.”

“Right back at you.” Danny replied before pulling away. “Let’s go inside, Grace has a lot of ideas for the suit colours and everything and now it’s your turn to suffer through it, Uncle Adam.” Hearing Danny’s kids call him that way would always put a smile on his face, he had never expected to be held in the same regard as Steve had for so many years before he became “Dad”.

They were his family.

_ “Hey, good morning.” Adam said, peeling off the couch and going to help Danny sit up. “How are you feeling?” _

_ “Like yesterday.” He groaned, still half-asleep. And then images and snippets of conversations started to flood his brain. “Chin!” He exclaimed, his foggy brain waking up at once, turning to look at Adam. “Is he… Is he alright? Did he get hurt?” Adam felt like he wanted to cry: after all the pain his teammates had put him through, they were still Danny’s first thought upon awakening, how could they have forgotten just how gentle and caring Danny was? _

_ “Yeah, he is.” He sat down on the bed and gently hugged him. “Lou and Kono will be right back. The nurse took Kono to sign a few papers for Chin’s release and I sent Lou to get us coffees.” He told him before he thought they had just ran back to Steve, knowing that Danny’s thoughts would, inevitably, go there. “They stayed the whole night, like they said they would.” He added. _

_ Danny nodded, but said nothing for a while, so Adam stayed silent as well until he asked what needed to be asked. _

_ “Do you want to see Chin again?” Now that you’ve gotten everything out of your chest, do you want to try and talk to him?” Danny shrugged, obviously debating with himself whether he should or should not. And really, nobody could blame him if he didn’t. “It’s alright if you don’t want to, or if it’s too early. They are the ones who have to match your pace, not you, ok?” The blond head resting on his shoulder nodded. “Good.” _

_ “I want… I want to believe them.” He finally mumbled. “But I don’t know if… if I can. I can’t... “ He took a shuddering breath. “If it happens again I…” Adam gently gathered him into a hug when he saw Danny struggling to speak.  _

_ “Breathe, Danny.” He whispered, his hands running up and down his back. “They really are sorry. They do love you, even if you can’t see it now. Understandably so, they’ve put you through so much. Too much.” He told him. “And if you think you can’t do it, if you want to leave Five-0 or go back to Jersey, just know I’ll be there for you. Always.” _

_ “But Kono…” _

_ “No. You are my brother, and if you need me, I’ll be there. I’m not leaving you.” He replied, harsh, cutting him off: Danny needed to understand that he had someone behind him 100%, that unless Danny told him to leave, he was not going anywhere. “I’m sorry.” He quickly apologised when Danny flinched. And he hated them a bit more, because they had turned Danny, a man who used to be so loud and so sure of himself into someone who didn’t know if it was okay for him to speak up. _

_ He eyed the letter and his anger towards Steve lessened a bit: at least he was trying. He was respecting Danny's wishes, he hadn't tried to sneak back in, he hadn't barged in demanding Danny see him like he would have before, but if the letter was anything to go by, he hadn't given up. _

_ He was still fighting to get Danny back. And while a part of him really understood that Danny was afraid of letting them in again only to be hurt once more, he also knew that Danny would forever question the "what ifs", the "what would have beens" and that he would never be truly happy if he didn't. So with that in mind, he picked up the letter and gently set it on Danny's lap. _

_ "I think you should read it, D.” He said. “I don’t know what Steve said in it, but at the very least, it'll help you make up your mind." He really  _ really _ hoped he was being helpful and that this was not going to blow on his face, because if Steve screwed up again, he knew Danny would definitely close the door. And he had already taken it upon himself to guard the key that opened it, and only give it to those who were worth it, like Grace and Charlie, like Kamekona and Max.  _

_ A part of him wanted to give it to Steve, too. He had looked so broken the day before when he found him on the hallway, struggling to get back to his room. And it had been the immense pain and emptiness in his eyes that had told him that Steve really did want to win Danny back. _

_ To his surprise Danny nodded, fingers tracing the edge of the envelope.  _

_ "Stay with me? Please" _

_ "Always Danny, I told you, I'm not going anywhere." He told him again, wrapping his hand around his arm. _

_ He didn’t know what Steve had written, and he would never read it without permission, it was something between the two of them and, apparently, Kono. He would recognise her handwriting anywhere. _

_ He stayed silent, watching how Danny started to cry, softly. There was no sobbing this time around, as there had been every other time when they were at home and Danny felt worse than usual. It was… peaceful, even.  _

_ Like he was finally able to let go. _

_ Like he had made a choice. _

_ He just wasn’t sure what that choice was. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I haven't updated earlier, but I got a writer's block, then went back to work and got sidetracked with the new story and Buzzfeed Unsolved. Mainly I'm blaming those two, because their dynamic just cracks me up every time and I keep going back for more until I can't get out.


	29. The letter

**The letter**

  
I’m not sure how to start letters, so I’m just going to skip it. You deserve better than a standard “Dear Danny”.You deserve better than us. Than me. 

I failed you. I should have been by your side, and I wasn’t. I should have noticed how withdrawn you were, and I didn’t. I always called myself your best friend because I hated that someone else could have that spot, but when you needed me, when you needed a friend and a shoulder to lean on, I was nowhere to be found.

And I will never forgive myself for that.

I’ve made you think that I hated you when you are the person I love the most, that I didn’t want you or Gracie around when you both light up my day, that I didn’t want you to… to be my Danno, when I want nothing more than to be by your side every day. 

There is only one person I hate right now, and we share a name. I could never hate you.

I never got the chance to thank you for saving me. Both in the plane and here in the hospital. I know what you did for me, I know they told you to crash in the water but that you didn’t because you wouldn’t be able to save me. Even when you thought I hated you, you risked your life for me.

I promise to you and god, that I will take care of your liver. I swear I will follow every post-op instructionI’m given, I won’t be going into the field until I have the okay from my doctor, that I will take every single pill they give me every day, religiously.

I will never do anything that could possibly damage it. 

I need you to know that I’m ready to think twice before I leap. 

You gave me the gift of life, and I know I‘ll never be able to pay you back. I hope and pray to God that I never have to pay you back like this, because I would hate it if I ever put you in a position where you got hurt this badly.

When… when you were taken to Colombia, I felt like I couldn’t breath the entire time you were there. And when I got you back… It felt like the first breath after being held under water. But by then, I had already failed you. I had already failed you when you thought that you couldn’t ask for my help with Reyes.

And even then, even though you thought that we didn't want you around and that we hated you, you still came to look for me when Wo Fat took me. 

You bought me a guitar because I told you I used to play it. And I hate to think… I hate to think that you bought it because you felt that you needed to buy my affection, my love, when you already had it. You’ve always had it. My admiration, too. Since day one, because even though it wasn’t your crime scene you still defended it, to make sure my dad got a proper investigation.

I never thanked you for that. 

I’ve never thanked you for a lot of things, like coming to North Korea to rescue me after you told me not to go, or coming to Afghanistan. And I know you weren’t there to just bring me back, I know you forced the Navy to put a strike team to get me out. I don’t know how you did it, but you’ve always had a way with words.

I never thanked you for coming with me to Cambodia when I was looking for Doris. For helping me deal with her every time she comes and goes.

I never thanked you for staying here and helping me clear my name instead of going back to Jersey with Rachel and grace. It’s all you ever talked about but when you had the chance, you stayed behind. For me. Because that’s the man you are: strong, loyal, trustworthy, the most capable partner I’ve ever had. 

And I know you don’t believe me right now, but you are. You are one of the best detectives I’ve ever seen. And I know you think Lou can do what you do, but he can’t. No one can. The amount of knowledge you have is amazing, the fact that you knew every single mafia family off the top of your head is incredible, the way you fight for what is right is one of the things I love the most about you, how quickly you can spot details the rest of us miss.

You are a great detective, Danny. I know you think you bring the team down, that we made you believe that, but that’s bullshit. The truth of the matter is that if it weren’t for us, you’d easily be Captain by now.

You know, ever since you gave me the guitar, I’ve been playing it everyday, I’ve been learning different songs by Bon Jovi to play you one day. My favourite one is Bed of Roses. I know yours is Always. I’ve also learnt that one. It was the first one I learnt. I wanted to show you how much I care, how much I love you.

That guitar is my more prized possession. More than my trident. The trident is who I was before, and I'm not gonna lie, not to you, never to you Danny, I am proud of it, I worked hard to get it. To keep it. But it's who I was before I met you. I've changed so much thanks to you, Danny. The guitar… The guitar is… it's who I want to be, Danny. Someone more open, someone who can share the important things without feeling like I have shards of glass in my stomach. I want to be able to be that someone with you. For you.

Do you remember that time a building came down on top of us? Sorry, silly question, of course you do. I told you I loved you. I’ve never meant it more than I did that day. Or any other day after that. You are the person I love the most. That I will ever love the most. Even if you can’t forgive us, if you can’t give us another chance, which I understand, I will always love you.

There’s another thing I regret. I never asked what you needed that week off for. I got so wrapped up in cases and my own shit that I neglected you. It’s no excuse, I know it’s not. If anything, that just goes to prove that I don’t deserve you as a friend or a partner. You would have never done that, you would have made sure that I knew you were there for me. Because that’s how great you are.

If you don’t want me around, I understand. I know I’ve hurt you the most, like Rachel did. Perhaps even more. Just know, that if you don't want to see me ever again, I understand. And I will respect your wishes. I won’t force my presence onto you, I care too much about you to keep hurting you like this.

Do you know what I hate most? That I was so blind to your pain. I blinded myself to it, because I thought that if you were okay, you wouldn’t leave us. Wouldn’t leave me. Every time you said you were fine, it’s obvious now that you weren’t. But I ignored it,because I didn’t know how to deal with it. And even once I did, once I found that note, crumpled under your sofa, I wouldn’t have known. You would have left Hawaii, gone back to New Jersey, and I still would have not seen the truth, the pain in your eyes that we put there.

Have I ever told you what one of my favourite memories ever? It’s when you invited me to come with you and Gracie to the zoo. I had never had so much fun until that day. I love watching you with her. You are, by far, the best father I’ve ever met. Or seen. You’d give up anything for her and that just speaks volumes of how amazing you are.

I know I’ve hurt her, too. If… If she wants to, and you agree, I would like to apologise to her. Write her a letter if she doesn’t want to see me. I’ll understand if she doesn’t. I promised to always take care of you and I failed miserably. Because when I promised her that, I didn’t just mean enemies and perps, I meant to protect you from everything: your traitorous brain who only shows you bad things, the cops at HPD who made your life ten times harder than it needed to be. And I should have realised I should have included myself and the team in that list. But I thought I was too good to hurt you, that I would notice. But I didn’t. 

And I’ve lost you because of that.

I just hope that, if you ever read this letter, you’ll let me prove myself to you and show you that I can be so much better, that I can be someone who deserves to be by your side, someone who has earned that place instead of claiming it without ever working for it.

I love you. And Grace.

  
Always yours,

Steven Jack McGarrett.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here we have the letter from Steve. I am not a big fan of letter, and I hope this is really conveys how sorry Steve is that he neglected Danny for so long.
> 
> And from here, hopefully, things will start to get better!


	30. Danny VI

**Danny VI**

_ I’m feeling… better.  _

_ I _ _ think.  _

_ I  _ _ don’t feel like I’m going to cry myself to sleep again. It’s… a bit weird, to be honest. To be… seen again. And looked at. And heard. It's like someone has put a spotlight on me and I don't ever know what I'm supposed to be doing. _

_ Kono and Lou have been coming over everyday while Adam goes back home to sleep and change. I’ve been telling him that he can go home during the day now, that I’m fine but I think he doesn’t trust that they’ll keep coming if he’s not here. I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve a brother like him. He’s a great man. _

_ Chin came by the day the doctor let him out, he got a bad concussion from the hit.  _

_ We talked, without anybody fainting. He apologised, said that there was no excuse for him having failed me like that, after everything I had done for him, and he vowed that he would never let it happen again. He swore it on his badge and his honour as a cop. He said that he was so used to me being by his side and being a pillar for him that he forgot that I too could have bad days and that someone needed to ask me how I was doing, to check on me.  _

_ Once he was released he started spending nights in my room, too. _

_ And Steve… He’s kept sending me cards via Kono, having her hand write them because he couldn’t, for a week. Every day I had a new one. He apologised in every single one. Promised to be a friend I would be proud of introducing and calling his friends. Someone who was honourable enough to be Grace’s uncle. He’s promised to take care of the liver and thinking twice before making a jump he isn’t sure he can land. _

_ I think that’s what got me the most, the fact that he wants to live… for me. I’m not saying he wanted to die before, just that he was ready to die, that it meant nothing if he did. I think that’s another reason why we had been distancing from each other lately, because it hurt me that he thought he had no one to live for, that he didn’t have me and Grace and that we wouldn’t miss him and mourn him if he died. _

_ The other day, he called me at 3am. He thought I was dead, that I had died during surgery. I could tell he was crying, but he said he  _ needed  _ to know that I was alive, and alright. Chin was with him that night and said that he was sorry for waking us up, but that Steve wouldn’t calm down until he talked to him. _

_ He never called before when he had a nightmare, he has always wanted to seem invincible.  _

_ The only times he’s ever let me see him like this were after North Korea, in the plane flying back and he was trembling from both shock and the chilly air from the plane so he let me hug him and after Wo Fat took him and he thought his dad was still alive, coming in and out of consciousness and breaking down when he realised his dad was dead, but he had been drugged to hell and back, so that hardly counts. _

_ He texted me the next morning, asked if he could come see me. _

_He_ asked _._ __

_ He’s never asked before. He just did whatever it was that he wanted to do. My opinion didn’t matter. Now… Now it feels like he wants it, like it’s everything to him. _

_ I wasn’t too sure about seeing him again, to be honest, I’m still afraid this will all just disappear once we get out, that everything will go back to how it was a few weeks back, but Adam’s right: if I want to know, I need to let them try, at least once. Even, if it’s just for a little while at a time.  _

_ He’s coming after bath time, right before lunch. I asked Adam to leave us alone, and he agreed, but he said he’s still staying nearby, just in case. _

_ As I said, he’s a great man. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 30 guys! This was supposed to be a short story, no more than chapters, yet here we are. We just have 3 more sets to go through and it will be done, but that translate to about another 15-17 chapter, so we are still going to be here for a while.


	31. Charlie: Steve VI

**Steve VI**

Steve had called Clara to get her recipe of her chicken parmigiana and her coffee cream cake, knowing they were Danno’s absolute favourite dishes. He had to make them in the Grover’s flat because had he made it at home, Danny would have known what he had made seconds after going inside the house.

“Babe? Is that… Is that Ma’s coffee cream cake?” He questioned, staring at the dish in front of him first, then at his boyfriend, and back at the dish before taking a spoonful of it, moaning when the rich creamy filling coated his mouth. “It’s amazing babe. How did you…?” The chicken parm had also been amazing and he had already been suspecting it had been his Ma’s because it had tasted just like hers, but really, chicken parm wasn’t all that special.

Steve smiled at him, glad that his partner recognised it, because that meant he did a brilliant job at it. “We had a two hour long video call the other day while you were out running with Eddie the other day. She was very precise on her instructions.”

Danny laughed at that, free. Open. Beautiful. 

“Of course she did. No Italian mother will ever let you disrespect her name or her food. You should just be lucky she even gave you the recipe.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah, babe. They don’t give a recipe away unless you are family. And even then, that’s sometimes not happening. Ma has yet to give Stella her coffee cream cake recipe, but then again, Stella is an awful baker.” He told him, smiling before he ate some more. “So? How did you convince her to give it to you?”

Steve took a steadying breath.

Moment of truth.

The ex-SEAL stood up and walked to his boyfriend, leaning to kiss him, keeping it sweet and gentle, because he _really_ didn’t want to get sidetracked, he was about to ask the most important question of his life and he had no idea of what would happen if Danny said no, but he knew he wasn’t walking away.

Slowly he started to get down on one knee, clutching his left hand and he didn’t need to look at him to know Danno knew what was going on, the sharp intake of breath did that.

“Well, you see, I told her I planned on becoming part of the family, and that for that I would need her recipe.” He wasn’t looking at him. “Danny, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t imagine a life without you or the kids. You’ve given me everything that was stolen from me.” He finally looked up to him, seeing the love and devotion on those blue eyes he loved so much. “I almost lost you, once. I made you think you weren’t loved, that you were unwanted. You thought I didn’t want you to be my Danno. But you still gave me a second chance, you still let me prove to you that I love you more than anything. You used to say you’d never remarry, but last month… Last month you said you wouldn’t run for the hills if you ever saw me on one knee, so please, don’t run. Stay with me. Let me make you the happiest man in the world and make me an honest man.” He pulled the ring out of his pocket, holding it in front of Danny’s hand. “Danny, will you let me marry you?”

Danny nodded, for once, completely speechless. Tears springing from his eyes when the cold, simple silver band slid around his fingers. Steve kissed it where it sat on his hand before going back on his feet to kiss him, and if it was a bit salty and wet from his _fiance_ ’s tears, that was more than alright with him.

“I love you.” He whispered, drying his cheeks with his thumb.

“I love you, too.” Danny replied, smiling. Free. Open. Beautiful.

* * *

Grace was watching from the kitchen, tears rolling down her cheeks: Danno and Steve were finally where they should always have been. But better late than never. Her only regret was that she was too far to get a decent video with audio, but she was sure Auntie Kono and Tani would appreciate it all the same. 

_Steve was… elated. He had been visiting Danny everyday and they were… fine. They weren’t good, and nowhere near where they used to be, but they were in a much better place than they had been for the last year or so._

_“Danny.” He extended his fruit salad to him. “Here.”_

_“Steve, I’ve also got one.” He replied, pointing at his bowl._

_“I know. It’s got a lot of pineapple though. Mine doesn’t. And you love strawberries.” He waited until Danny took it, instead of just changing them himself like he would have in the past._

_He was trying his best to be better for his partner, for the man he loved. And working on his patience was atop of his list. And voicing his feelings more, adn apologising. There were a lot of things, he needed to work on if he wanted Danny to ever forgive him again._

_He knew the letters helped, but he still needed to voice things to his partner, he couldn’t rely on the letters forever._

_“Thanks, Steve.” The blond said as he took his cup, handing his to him. There was a small smile on his lips._

_They finished their lunch in silence and it was suffocating. Steve was not used to a silent Danny. No. He_ was _used to it, but he hated it. Because that was not who Danny was, it was what they had turned him in._

_“Is Grace coming today?” He asked. She would drop to say goodbye on her way back home after they had talked._

_Danny had allowed him to talk with Grace after she had agreed to see Steve, and while Danny agreed on them talking alone, he was adamant they didn’t go anywhere far from him, he still wanted to be able to see them._

_It had been nerve wracking, because Grace was even more convinced than her father that Steve didn’t give a fuck about them anymore. She asked if they had done something wrong to upset everyone, if_ she _had done something wrong that made him not want them in his house again. It had taken him over half an hour to reassure her that they hadn't done anything, that he had been so caught up in his own problems that he didn’t see he was letting them slip through his fingers until it was too late._

_He didn’t cry, but it was a damn near thing._

_Danny hadn’t interrupted them, but he could feel his heavy gaze on them all the time, ready to pull his daughter away if she became too distraught. Adam had been lingering around, too._

_A part of him wondered how they all had missed just how close they had become, that Danny letting him stay at his place wasn’t just a friend doing a buddy a solid, it was more than that._

_“Yeah. Rachel is dropping her any minute now.”_

_And as if on cue, the door pushed open. Except. It wasn’t Grace. Well. No. She was there, but there was another kid there, with impossible blond hair and blue eyes. He had seen him a couple times when they dropped Grace off with her mother, and he was much bigger now than the last time he had seen him. And what was he doing here? How could Rachel drop her son, the son she had with... another... man… Except, he looked nothing like Stan or Rachel, and he looked exactly like…_

_“Danno!” The little boy raced to them and climbed on Danny’s lap and for a 4 year old kid, he was very careful with Danny._

_Danny, who seemed frozen in place, staring at him with absolute fear in his eyes. Grace also seemed to be frozen by the door before she reacted and shut the door behind her._

_“I-I’m sorry Danno. He’s been asking to come see you every day and mom decided to let him come today since it’s Friday and…” She trailed off, her eyes going from her father to Steve. “Hi, Steve.”_

_“Hi, Grace.”_

_“Hi! I’m Charlie!” The boy didn’t seem to notice any of the obvious distress in the room as he smiled up at him. “Are you Danno’s friend?”_

_Was he? Was he Danny’s friend? He wasn’t so sure about it now. “So-something like that. I’m Steve.” He said instead, offering him a small smile and hoping he was buying Danny enough time to recover and decide what to do. “How old are you? You look like a big boy.”_

_“4! And a half!” He grinned at him, holding up four fingers and then he turned his attention to Danny. “Danno, I made you a drawing!”_

_That seemed to shake him out of his frightened stupor, a big smile appearing on his face._

_“You did? Do you have it here?”_

_“Yeah!” He scrambled to the floor and ran to his bag and brought back a drawing of him, Grace and Danny. “Mrs. Kekoa said I could choose if I wanted to draw you or mommy and I chose you, Danno.”_

_“That’s amazing, baby! How about we give it to Uncle Adam so he puts it up on the fridge for when we get back?”_

_“Really?”_

_“Of course Squirrel! Why don’t you and your sister go find him?” It was obvious he didn’t fool his daughter, but Charlie was already out of the room. “Here Monkey, get something to eat for both of you.”_

_“Thank you, Danno. Later, Steve.” He had lost his Uncle title and while it was a knife to the heart every time, the fact that she was talking to him at all made up for it._

_Steve stared at the words under the Danny stick figure. Daddy._ Daddy. _What? Like, it was so obvious now, but why…? Since when…? How…?_

_“Danny?” He turned to look at him._

_“Rachel lied.” The blond replied, hands clutching over his sweatpants. “She said that at least that way one of her children would still have a dad if I died or got taken.” He gave a bitter laugh._

_“What!?” He yelled, not believing what he was hearing. He had always known Rachel was a bitch, but this was just too much, even for her._

_“Yeah. She only… she only told me because Charlie… he got sick. He needed… He needed…” He licked his lips, eyes darting everywhere._

_“Hey.” He wrapped a hand around his arm to get him to look at him. “You don’t have to tell me now, Danno. I’m not going anywhere. I can wait.” He said and perhaps it was wishful thinking, but the anxiety pooling in his eyes seemed to settle down a bit._

_Danny took a deep breath before he plunged forward. “He needed bone marrow. Gracie wasn’t a match, and Rachel was the lesser match between us. If he hadn’t gotten sick I would have never…”_

_Steve felt like the rug had been pulled from under his feet: that was the reason Danny took that week off? For a bone marrow donation? And a few weeks later he was in the Mud tougher and he had been limping… Fuck._ Fuck _. How the fuck had he not seen that? How could he have been so blind? Danny had run and jumped after perps with his knee giving him next to no trouble, and he had been limping even before the Tough Mudder and…_

_God, Danny had been keeping his son secret from them because… because why?_

You know why _, a little voice said inside of him._

_Yeah, he knew why. Because they had led him to believe that they didn’t care about him or what was going on in his life, they made him believe he was just a nuisance in their lives that they only kept around to be their pencil pusher, someone who just didn’t matter outside of the four walls of his office._

_He didn’t even think. He stood up and hugged him against his chest. He hadn’t been there for him for almost a year, he had missed something so important because he was being a self-conceited asshole. He was not going to let his partner suffer in silence now._

_“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you like I should have been. For all of you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He whispered. And that seemed to break the dam, because next thing he knew, Danny was clutching at his shirt and crying. “If you let me, I’ll be here now. For you, for the kids. Whatever you need. Forever. If-if there’s something I can do for you, I want to do it. Whatever it is, you just need to say the word.” Danny didn’t reply, but he didn’t push him away either, so Steve counted that as a win. “If you ever trust me again with them, I would love to get to know him.” He would not pressure his partner on that, he knew he had no right to ask for anything regarding Charlie and Grace, no even Danny himself, but he really wanted to get to know him. One day._

_And his heart soared when Danny nodded. “One day. Just… not yet.”_

_“Of course, Danno. As I said, no hurry, I’m not going anywhere.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's only up from here guys! We've finally made it to the healing stage! 
> 
> I am so sorry for the delay, I'm working on a few other things and got sidetracked! Hopefully you'll like those too!


	32. Charlie: Chin Ho VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! The muse decided to take a trip (a looooong one) but she's back. I hope you guys like it.

**Chin Ho VI**

"Hey Danny, do you have plans for tonight?" Chin knocked on the frame of the blond's office door.

"For tonight? Watching the NHL finale with the kids, why?" He replied, stretching and leaving the paperwork alone for five minutes. It could wait.

"Well, I got the new TV installed yesterday, so I thought you might want to come watch it at mine? Charlie included, of course."

Danny’s eyes brightened up at that. “Really? I didn’t know you liked hockey.”

Chin shrugged. “I mean, I don’t know all the rules, but it looked interesting and I know you like it so I started watching to see what it was about and… I got hooked.”

“Nice! I’ll bring some food, yeah?”

“I’ve got the drinks. Pineapple Fanta for Grace and apple juice for Charlie, right?”

“Yeah. At least one of my kids hasn’t been corrupted yet by this island.”

“Yet.” Chin teased. “Come around 7?”

“We’ll be there.” He grinned before turning around: this was the first time Danny had agreed to come to his house without the team and with the kids.

* * *

“Uncle Chin!” Charlie ran up to him, hugging his legs. He had gotten the title of Uncle not too long, so his heart still stopped every time he heard it. “Danno made wings! The spicy ones!”

“He did, huh?” He picked the kid up, settling him on his hip, smiling at the teenager. “Hey Gracie, how was cheer?”

“Meh, nothing special. Coach is still not letting me fly.” She groaned as he went inside the house, stopping when she saw the giant TV he had bought. “Hum. Uncle Chin. Are you trying to put the cinema’s out of business?”

“Monkey, we’ve talked about this. You broke your arm and the cast just came off, so if the doctor and your coach say no flying yet, then it’s no flying.” Danny said, coming inside with what looked like enough food to feed a small army. “Don’t look at me like this, Kelly, unless you suddenly developed the superpower of cooking.”

“Have not. But, is there anyone else coming?” He questioned as he left Charlie on the sofa. “Also, no Grace, I am not. But it was on sale so…”

“No. Left overs, Chin. I made extra.” He said, giving him two of the containers. “Fridge. And I need to heat this up first.”

* * *

Fifteen minutes later they were all sitting on the sofa, yelling at the TV, Charlie standing on top of the sofa and moving his little arms just like his dad and his sister and it was amazing that he understood the rules at such a young age. Although he probably never stood a chance with those two.

“Yes!” Danny yelled at the same time the kids broke out in cheers and loud claps, almost making him drop his very delicious wing.

“We won, Danno!” Charlie yelled, jumping into his arms, Danny catching him and falling back down on the sofa. Chinn wasn’t sure when he had stood up.

He watched Danny. Laughing. Carefree. Relaxed.

They had almost killed that spark. They had cut the air flow from his fire to the point that just flickering embers had remained. But by doing everything they hadn’t done in way too long, they had managed to light again. 

And he was going to do whatever he could to keep it alight. 

And hockey was pretty entertaining. Not as much as football, but he could see why Danny loved it, and it cost him nothing to spend time with them doing something they loved.

_Chin knocked on Danny's door, smiling to himself when he heard Steve pull a chuckle out of him. Out of everyone, Steve was the closest to be back where they had been._

_“Come in!” Danny yelled, and he went in, they were sitting by the table, playing a game of chess. They were sitting on the armchairs now, finally able to move at will and without needing the wheelchairs._

_What was new, though, was that Danny had a blond child sitting on his lap… A child that looked exactly like him._

_And almost as if it were a movie, he saw Danny’s body go rigid, tension settling on his shoulders and his arms tightening around the boy._

_“Oh. Hi Chin.” He said and that was the most forced smile he had ever seen on his face. From the side of his eye he saw Steve reach over the table, palm up, and knocked his knuckles on the wooden surface._

_“Danny.” He said, clearly breaking the blond’s racing thoughts. He watched how Danny unhooked one arm from around to the child and settled his hand over the offered one, Steve immediately curling his fingers to hold Danny’s hand in support._

_In support of what, he wasn’t sure, but there was something going on. Clearly so._

_He felt like a stranger, like he wasn’t supposed to be there._

_“Hey, it’ll be alright.” Steve said and Danny looked like he was going to say something else, when the kid spoke._

_“Daddy, you are hurting me.” The kid moaned, patting Danny on the arm._

_“Oh. Sorry, kiddo.” Danny kissed his head. “Why don’t you go find Maria? I’m sure she has a lollipop for you.”_

_“Ok! Do you want one, Daddy?”_

_“Of course.” He let him slide to the floor, bringing his free arm to his chin, as if thinking. “A green one, if she has one.”_

_He nodded, as if he had been given the most important information he had ever heard. “Do you want one Steve?”_

_“Sure. You pick, kiddo.”_

_And then the kid was gone._

_And Steve was still holding Danny’s hand._

_“What… Who is that?”_

_Danny took a breath before saying anything. And when he did, Chin could not believe it._

_“That’s my son. Charlie.”_

* * *

_His son. Danny had a son. Charlie was his son. And he didn’t know about it. Steve clearly did. Did Lou and Kono know? He chose to think they didn’t, because otherwise that meant they had been hiding it from him._

_Had… Danny asked them to?_

_He felt anger rise in his chest and he opened his mouth, but he closed it just as fast when Steve looked at him, the message clear in his face: “Step over the line and there will be consequences.” So he stopped himself because, really, did he even have a reason to be mad?_

_No. No, he didn’t. At all. They had hurt Danny, so of course he was going to keep everything close to his chest and even if he was angry at the situation, he had no right to be mad at Danny, not when it had been their own fault. No, if there was someone who deserved that anger, that was himself._

_“How… How long have you…?”_

_“A bit over a year now.” Danny said, without letting him finish._

_A whole year? Danny had kept Charlie a secret from them for a full year and then some? How? Why? He had to know that they would have helped, right? With anything he needed help with?_

_No, he didn’t. Why would he? You threw him aside, remember? A little voice said inside his head. But it was right. They did throw Danny aside like he was nothing, so why would he have told them anything regarding his personal life when they had made him believe they could care less about it?_

_“Right. Do you need help with them? Getting them to school or picking them up or…”_

_“Adam is handling it.” Ah. Right. Of course Adam was taking care of it. “Will you please sit down? You are going to make a hole if you keep switching your weight like that.” Danny said, pointing at the now vacated bed._

_So he obeyed, feeling like a small child._

_Like Charlie._

_“He seems like a good kid.” He said, because he didn’t know what else to say. And he hated it. He used to be able to joke with Danny, but he had lost that now, because he had been blind and neglectful and now he had to pay the price for it._

_But Danny had paid the higher price. For months, so his discomfort was nothing in comparison._

_“He is. Much quieter than his sister, that’s for sure.” He chuckled, glancing at Steve._

_“Give him a few more years and we’ll see, Danny. He might be a mini you.” Steve said, grinning at him and wow. He had missed this, too. He had missed Steve making strides at making it up to Danny. While he was chairbound._

_How? How did he do it?_

_Putting in more effort than you, obviously._

_“Eric came by yesterday. He said that Clara was coming by the end of the week, on the 27th and that she didn’t care what you said she was coming either way.”_

_"Of course she is." Danny groaned. "Could you… pick her up? Get her settled at my place?"_

_And he took that offering like it was his last chance to make things right with him._

_"Yes, of course Danny. Anything." He didn't ask about why not Adam. He didn't care. And he knew how it would come across._

_He was not making that mistake._

**Author's Note:**

> So I found this inside another fic I had started writing and didn't continue due to getting stuck, but I think this can be the start of something.
> 
> Unlike my usual this one is going to be made up of short chapters


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